h a l f b a k e r yVeni, vedi, fish velocipede
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My neighbor, Ken, takes his stupid parrot everywhere, perched on his shoulder. Very annoying at movies, restaurants. My beautiful koi, Kalioppe, swims in a mud puddle. No more! A personal shoulder aquarium lets me take him with me. I tool around in my pickup, Kal happily goggling at the passing scenery.
Sure, it's a little heavy, almost two gallons of water in a plastic box, balanced on a shoulder saddle, strapped to my head for balance, but the girls love it. I have a mirror angled so that you can see the beautiful pattern on Kalioppe's back. Also, it's handy for holding my cell phone to my ear. Looking to the right is a problem, and the cops are always hassling me about that.
John "Frenchy" Fuqua and his goldfish-filled platform shoes
http://pittsburgh.a...s/ucsteelers16b.htm
Search for "goldfish." Yes, he had the same idea as Centauri, and baked it in the 70s. [Uncle Nutsy, May 11 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Sipping, suppink snorkel
http://www.halfbake...20supping_20snorkel
Feed with the fishes. [hello_c, May 11 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]
my and by buddy
http://glen.org/hereyougo/fishneck.jpg
[gnormal, May 11 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]
the halfbaked idea i highjacked to arrive at the koi perch
http://www.halfbake..._20double_20glazing
[gnormal, May 11 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]
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And the fish won't poop on your jacket like Ken's parrot, either. Just don't trip and fall. |
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About the cell phone.....nevermind.
If some genius could bioengineer an algea species that would be dry on the outside and wet on the inside, absorbing sunlight and converting CO2 from the internal water, Kal could rest happily in a nutrigeonous aspic and maybe occasionally surface for to be petted. You could use Kal's aquasphere for a pillow if needed, and surely the swimming motion around your neck would be consummately soothing. I venture to say you'd always be hit on to share the experience. |
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I like this idea. Need a smaller fish, and a smaller fishbowl - like 3 or 4 inches across, with a top on it so it doesn't spill when you lean over. I think those shoulder-birds are annoying, too, especially when they are squawking. |
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I keep my fish in the soles of my giant pimp shoes. |
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Why not just a form-fitting wet suit (or should it be dry suit) for the fishy. A small pump could supply the H2O and a tiny, discreet hose could drain the used water. Then you could hold the fish in your hand without the impediment of any bowl. |
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Futurama episode 8 has a reverse scuba suit for fish as a little side joke. ("Sit! I said sit! Bad fish!") |
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Koi - Perch - Very Funny. |
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Wear a goldfish-bowl astronaut's helmet, with water and the fish in it, and a snorkel for yourself.
I suppose you'll have fewer dates, but you'll know your fish much better. |
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Fish get seasick. Yes, really. If you slosh them around too much, they suffer from motion sickness. Perhaps you could add a thickening agent to their water so it won't slop about as much. Or strap them in. |
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baked, sliced, and served, by yours truly last month. see link for photo and details. |
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