Self-Frying Eggs

In the dog day's of Summertide, we all get sick of hearing that tired old phrase: 'it was so hot you could have fried an egg on it', whether applied to pavements, car bonnets, bald-men's heads or carelessly mislaid frying pans.

Thing is, you're walking down the street, sipping an ice cold Bloody Mary, and you fancy a fried egg sandwich to stave off your forthcoming hangover. So you reach in the breast pocket of your denim overalls, and you find an egg in there.

There you have it: baking hot concrete, egg in hand, no lard to fry it in! You crack it on the concrete and it just burns like bubblegum in a coal fire!

So I'd suggest that we use all those coloured things and letters the Human Gnome Project has produced to enable us to invent a chicken that lays eggs which have a pure lard envelope between the shell and the white. Bit like a Kinder Egg, but with the surprise subcutaneous, if shell can be likened to skin. You crack it, unwrap it, the lard touches the concrete, liquidised, the white slips down, the yolk does a whoopee and within seconds your egg is frying mightily 'neath your feet.

You could even nip to the baker's and get some bread while it's cooking, then chuck in the bread and get it fried too! It's quite likely that while you're at the baker's some stupid kid'll nick your frying beauty, but never mind.

Coming next: Combination Frying Eggs (anti-theft)