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Rotten Fruit Index

 Gallup Polls are way too slow...
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In bygone years, citizens of some republics registered their discontent with elected (and often not-so-elected) leaders and civil servants by hurling rotten fruits and vegetables at them.

I propose we bring back this practice, however we give it a bit more legitimacy with an indexing system. The Rotten Fruit Index, or "RFI" if you will, is a system by which elected officials can instantly gauge their approval/disapproval by the masses.

The RFI would be based on a measurement of average projectiles-per-minute, as the window for fruit hurling is usually small. Most public officials address the masses in short press conferences or quick trips from their building to their limo or other ground transportation. If someone gives a five minute interview on the capital steps and during that interview, they are pelted with ten items, the PPM is 2-to-1 and thus the RFI is considered to be high. Pollsters and statisticians (folks far smarter than I) can work out exactly where the lines are drawn. Even then, the RFI would be FAR less nebulous than the usual poll data we endure.

The Dali Lama, low RFI. People like former FEMA director Michael "Brownie" Brown would have a rather high RFI, especially given the amount of inoperable refrigerators in the flood damaged areas.

Imagine how DC spin doctors and campaign managers would have to pay attention to this new, instant feedback system. They would hire interns to analyze the RFI data. White shirts would be out, in favor of loud patterns capable of hiding stains. TV news pundits would shape the data according to sub-averages in the index, like the RFIr, which takes into account the rottenness of the pelting:

"Yes, Bill, I admit the RFI was low, but what a lot of people aren't looking at is the RFIr, which in this case was quite high. He was speaking in California, not one of his base states, not a place where rancid avocados are hard to come by."

"Oh Come on, Steve. Nobody looks at the RFIr! We all know its as meaningless as golf handicaps at retirement communities. So what if it was high? It only means that the people who hate him, hate him a lot, and that goes without saying. I think you're way off base here."

At any rate, if you're gonna sling mud on television, why not sling fruit in public?

—tourist, Nov 17 2005

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/ I thought this would have something to do with this site. [jutta, Nov 18 2005]

[link]






       I was hoping this would involve progressing from small rotten fruit (grapes, lychees, etc.) through tomatoes (with an RFI of 100) on up towards pineapple and melons.   

       "And in tomorrow's headlines, the governor's popularity has peaked at grapefruit."
—moomintroll, Nov 17 2005
   

       And no mention of the REI! - surely albumous and yolkine projectiles are equally important in determining the unpopularity of a public figure?
—zen_tom, Nov 17 2005
   

       I'm imagining semi-perminant fruit stalls appearing outside all major Government offices, International trade organisations and Simon Cowell's house. Prices would vary according to the ripeness of the fruit, a week old tomato might cost £1, wheras a Giant month-old marrow containing its own putrid and liquified flesh might set you back £100. [+]
—Minimal, Nov 18 2005
   

       I love this idea. I would love to be able to throw rotten anything to some world "leaders" and entertainment "stars".   

       This would also give rotten and otherwise wasted fruit a good, productive use. Agricultors (does this world exist?) around the world could sell their rotten goods and actually make a profit out of them.   

       Good one! (cuernito podrido para ti).
—Pericles, Nov 18 2005
   

       You would have to judge not just on size of fruit, but also on price of fruit. Rotten apples are large, but they are nowhere near as pricey as rotten Kiwi.   

       Sure all fruit, when rotten, has low value. But you may get insight into who is throwing the fruit. Also good (for your rotten fruit stand) when the rich and poor are trying to make each other look like the bad guy.
—sleeka, Nov 18 2005
   
      
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