Fellow members of the semi-cooked world, I bid you welcome to
my
latest carefully half-baked idea. In the spirit of all things half-
bakery, it is simple, yet not deeply thought through.
Observant persons that you are, you will be aware of the
increasing
problem of litter on our urbane streets.
Not only is it an eyesore,
it
has been known to cause oblongs in built-up areas, a crisis I'm
sure
not even you can begin to contemplate, notably in South-east
Asia,
East Wessex, South Northumberland and parts of Greater Stoke.
I feel it would not take much organisation or time to identify,
round-up and containerise litter louts. Many container ships
return to their
home port empty, so there is no shortage of accommodation. The
containers could then be shipped out to oligotrophic areas of the
world's oceans (look it up), and dumped on a fairly random basis
throughout the journey. Due to overfishing there is a recognised
lack of fish in the sea somewhat scotching the once-familiar
notion
that there are 'plenty more fish in the sea'. In fact, the reverse is
closer to the truth, and due to human greed, many of them are
jolly
hungry.
It could be our way of giving something back to the planet,
transforming human effluent into useful product. Beneficial side
effects include reducing unemployment, creation of jobs in the
(currently under-resourced) 'Useless oxygen-waster Identification,
Herding and Packaging/Distribution' sector, deep ocean carbon
sequestration and making good use of heretofore non-contributory
dwellers within (but not contributory to) civilised society. Even
they
can end their previously valueless existence with the epitaph 'I
gave
my all'.
Everybody wins!
What?