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Radio GNAW

 It bites!
 
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It used to be that people walked around with cigarettes hanging off their lip. It gave character to the face and gave them something to do with their mouths when they weren't talking. Now cigs are verboten and no goog mouth substitute has come along.

Radio GNAW is a small radio receiver, the size of a Swisher Sweet cigar, designed such that the music signal is transmitted through the sides of the device. It is inaudible unless it is touching a tooth. Then it transmits the sound via bone hearing to the listener - and only the listener. GNAW comes in octagonal or round versions depending on your gnawing preference. The sides are tough, to withstand repeated gnawing in response to a groovy beat. Radio GNAW can also pick up wireless transmission from an IPod or similar apparatus worn on the belt or stationed elsewhere in an office.

—bungston, Dec 23 2003

Nobody does it better http://www.modernti...m/palace/bogart.htm
Chew on that. [Letsbuildafort, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]

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       Actually cigarettes (especially incompetently-rolled baggy ones) still make me look big AND clever.
Anyway, how do you select the channel on the radio (I get bored quickly these days)? Perhaps tapping a sequence on the end with your tongue?
—dobtabulous, Dec 23 2003
   

       I don't think this will be an effective substitute for my goog mouth...
—normzone, Dec 23 2003
   

       //and no goog mouth substitute has come along//   

       How about the venerable bubble pipe? Hue Hefner smoking jacket optional, but adds a nice touch.
—Letsbuildafort, Dec 23 2003
   

       Some small cigars have a plastic tip, which would be good for chewing/listening on.
   

       The problem with this idea is that things vibrating against your teeth can be really irritating. However, Radio GNAW would be ideal for inconspicuous two-way radio use, i.e. secret agents, or undercover cops who may get searched for a "wire": it is a good covert spot for a microphone and antenna. Also, it's not unusual these days to see former smokers chewing on an unlit cigarillo/cigar.
—xrayTed, Dec 31 2003
   
      
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