Quality Quickie

"Hello Rickee? Where are you? …I'm on the L A Expressway…huh? Yeah, we're doing latte in 20 at Andre's, just got to pick up those denim panties on Rodeo Dri…yes, aren't they just fab? Wait let me tell you first! I just finished the most refreshing 30 minutes at that new quickie spa at the Palm Showers. My stress level was outa control but now I'm decellulited, exfoliated and therapeutically chilled out…HEY! OFF THE ROAD, JERKO! UP YOURS TOO! …Oh sorry sweetie, some old fart in a Fiat. Anyway, this place has it all and you're in and out before…yes, skilled professionals and so understanding, they held my cell while I flirted with my liposurgeon…oh the thighs are looking svelte; he called them 'sylphlike', and now after the spa wet wrap they're even more…well, it's like being wrapped in seaweed in a whirlpool Jacuzzi, then they let the mineral water out and you sink into the mud, and all the while they're swarming about you doing a grape seed oil pedicure, Kevlar manicure, herbal facial, fertilizing the hair roots…No, none of that old power walking, power yoga crap; I did power meditation: you hold your breath for a minute and say your mantra as many times as you can, harreem hareem hareem hareem harreem harreem...whoops! I might pass out again right here in the passing lane, and they had power massage, so relaxing as those virile boys tiptoe across your backside, like a whole Japanese classroom running over you to recess…how does one fix this darn DVD replay thingy? …And Rickee, oh I forgot to tell about power acupuncture, sorta like a porcupine attack, it made me forget cigs for at least the duration, and I couldn't miss the power Tai Chi; we looked like a Jackie Chan movie in fast forward...Wait a sec, I've got incoming…Yes? …What, did he fall down the stairs? Did Yoda Beam hurt his face? …Well, I don't know, I've got a zillion things to do; call a cab or ambulance…Scuzie, dear, just the au pair with the usual whinny non-problem. So, anyway that was the first relaxing twenty minutes then I soothed out with…"