h a l f b a k e r yThis ain't rocket surgery.
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Everyone knows that Santa lives at the North Pole.
But all too soon, your planet's field is going to flip (yet again). Not only that, but soon the arctic ocean will be ice-free year round.
This will make things awkward for the bloke in the red suit, and for many nations that currently cash in on
his alleged presence. Some cultural revision will be necessary ...
Santa will need a new base at the centre of Antarctica; so existing scientific establishments will need to relocate so as to accommodate Santa, Mrs. Santa, all the elves, the sled hangar, and the warehouses for presents.
There are no reindeer at the south pole; they could be imported, but there is no reindeer moss for them to graze on. An alternative propulsion system may be needed. There are penguins, of course, which are rather more aerodynamic than reindeer, but not reknowned for speed (except underwater).
Also, travel time from the southern hemisphere to the northern will be greatly increased, although it will make covering the antipodes and South America more practical. Christmas may need to be extended to allow for this.
Best to start planning now ...
Pole switch map stickers
Pole_20switch_20map_20stickers
Ahem, ahead of the curve as per normal... [not_morrison_rm, Dec 22 2018]
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I think this is a case of putting the sleigh before the
reindeer. When the poles flip, the north pole will still be
the pole that is in the north, and hence will still be the
north pole. If we also want it to remain the north magnetic
pole, then this is a simple matter of changing our naming
convention for magnets, which is already arbitrary. |
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Of course, this will lead to certain types of electric motors
running backwards, but all we have to do to fix that is to
turn those devices upside down. For convenience, in fact,
we could arrange a massive swap of motor-driven goods
between Australia and the UK, so that everything would
continue to function as it is now. |
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Not just there; Asia will become the Far West, the region from the Mediterranean to India will be the Middle West, and in the U.S.A. Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi and South Carolina - renamed North Carolina - will be called the Deep North ... |
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North America will run from Tierra del Fuego to Panama, and Johannesburg will be in North Africa. |
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In London, all the districts will be swapped round, but it'll make no difference; the whole miserable place will still be a festering plague pit. |
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I think that's only the parts you tend to go to, [8th]. Rules on
Maiden Lane, for example, is really very agreeable. |
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Also, if the poles are going to flip soon, we ought to start
preparing migratory birds. Most species rely on a
combination of cues, one of which is (in some species)
magnetic. What we should do, starting this afternoon, is to
attach very, very tiny magnets to migrating birds - not
enough to abolish their sense of magnetic field, but enough
to diminish it. After a while, they'll get used to this, and
will just depend more on visual landmarks. Then, after a
few years, we recapture all the migratory birds and fit
slightly stronger opposing magnets, and then again a few
years later. Eventually, they'll become accustomed to the
new magnetic direction and, when the poles do flip, we just
remove the magnets and they're all good to go. |
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So this really has nothing to do with the precarious political
situation in Poland? |
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No, only the precarious magnetic situation of the Poles ... |
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// attach ... tiny magnets to ... birds // |
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We have to say that you may be underestimating the difficulty of that. After literally seconds of studying the practicalities, and preparing a quite detailed costing*, we decided that the cheap way to do this was to magnetize suitably sized small steel nails and knock them into the bird's heads. |
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However, the initial results from the test cohort** are not encouraging. The neighbour's budgie hasn't moved for hours ... |
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*Covering the entire back of a fag packet. |
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**One subject, no control group. |
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// attach ... tiny magnets to ... birds // |
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<starts humming They Might Be Giants "Birdhouse in
your soul"> |
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Starts printing job-lot of Pole switch map stickers,
link. |
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Actually, hang on. An idea about spherical motors has just
resurfaced on this very forum itself. This immediately
suggests that we can solve the entire problem by simply
installing a series of electromagnets around the Earth.
Then, when the poles do flip, we just turn the
electromagnets on and the Earth will do a 180° rotation
north-south, putting the North Pole back on top again. |
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Better yet, if we keep the electromagnets, we can repeat
the process every, say, six months, thereby insuring that
the climate cycle in England goes "Spring-summer-autumn-
summer", ad infinitum. |
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<Obligatory Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quote> |
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"Summer changed back into Winter. And Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went straight on into Autumn." |
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The pole reversal is long overdue, in part because the way it
works now just doesn't make sense. |
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Everyone who played with magnets as a kid knows that north
poles attract south poles - so why do they attract the north
pole of the Earth? |
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Relabelling every magnet in the world would be very
impractical, so bring on the pole shift. |
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On the plus side, when the field's at minimum, you'll see some truly fabulous auroral displays, better than anything anyone's ever recorded. |
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On the minus side, some truly fabulous auroral displays will be the last thing you'll ever see, before the radiation kills you. |
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