h a l f b a k e r yInvented by someone French.
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I'm suggesting that continental plates should be fitted with a reverse gear, to at least ameliorate the worst of the damage,
I mean, just look at the Himalayas.
Going to take more than an hour with a ball-peen hammer and dent puller to sort that one out...
<cuts to guy with blue boilersuit
and roll-up <sound of sucking air between the teeth>>. and saying "Well, it's not going to be cheap...I I mean, just look at those foothills" etc
Charged black hole
http://en.wikipedia.../Charged_black_hole
A useful trait. [8th of 7, Feb 21 2014]
Bjork's tectonics song
http://www.youtube....watch?v=ZM80F_J-QHE
...as you do [not_morrison_rm, Sep 21 2014]
[link]
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"Cor, 'oo sold you that, then ? Strewth ! 'S gonna be a lot of money ..." |
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"Good afternoon, sir. Is this your continent ? Would you be good
enough to show me your licence and insurance, please ? Did you
realise you're stopped in a no-subduction zone ?" |
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I mean, just don't talk to me about Gondwana land...six hours with a ten foot of scaffold pole, and could we move it... |
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Great idea, nuke the himalayas! |
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If you try and pull out the wrinkles in one go,
you're
going to cause cracks. Continental crust is
basically
like toffee. In fact it actually is toffee, but the
geologists are too embarrassed to admit it. They
have no plausible explanation for the high
complex sugar content of the mantle, and
therefore insist that it's actually made of silicates
of magnesium and aluminium. |
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A better method would be to apply weights on top
of wrinkles such as the Himalayas and Wales, and
let
gravity slowly even out the bumps. |
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Weights...yeah, well that was what them highbrows for the Royal Geological Society tried on Krakatoa. |
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I tole them blowtorch and then go over it with polyfilla, that's the trick, but did they listen.. |
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Yes, well knowing that lot I expect they overdid it
hoping for a quick result. You can have it fast,
cheap or good - pick any two. |
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I for one am firmly against this idea. I happen to like
mountains; I live nestled amongst some quite lovely ones,
the air up here's fresh and clean and we locals make a tidy
bit o'
shine off those who come to share it with us. World would
be a bit boring with all the wrinkles ironed out, don'tcha
think? |
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the earth doesn't have a reverse gear, bitches. what
you are suggesting is a manipulation of earths
internal structure. |
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i dinged you for not categorizing this idea in the
category of geological engineering. |
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before you reverse earths plates, start with
something simpler. like building massive tunnels
underground. big ones. |
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Couldn't we just spin the Earth backwards, and let the
inverse centrifugal force draw the plates in the
opposite direction? |
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//the earth doesn't have a reverse gear, bitches.
what you are suggesting is a manipulation of earths
internal structure. // |
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Yo backatcha bitch. You may not yet have found
the level at which the average HB denizen operates.
Look up, not down. |
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//i dinged you for not categorizing this idea in the category of geological engineering. |
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Less of the b word, if you please. |
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The average geological engineer sneers at this kind of thing, truth is, they can never get it right... |
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Like that time, the engineer at the back of the continent was saying "yep, yep, that's it, bit more, bit more....left...no, no, your left!!!" and it all went a bit pear-shaped. |
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Since continental drift is driven by convection
currents, would this involve some kind of massive
heat pump to try and run these currents backwards? |
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Perhaps a number of enormous geothermal
installations on one end, and some REALLY big
heating coils on the other. |
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We should take advantage of the Earth's spinning
nature. Imagine that the Earth is a workpiece,
spinning away in a lathe. Now, we need a large
lathe-style cutting tool in stationary, or opposite
orbit*. This should then be slowly lowered until it
starts knocking off the pointier bits of the
Himalaya. After a few years we should have the
more offensively high parts of the Himalaya sorted
out. Shortly after we can start to round off the
more wrinkly parts of North Africa/America. |
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Now, we can either work on one place at a time or
several tools will need to be put in orbit... The
Andes are a little annoying, but we should be able
to do it. |
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After all the mountains are smoothed out, we
should re-name the Earth. I recommend "New
Holland". |
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*I'm not sure of the appropriate speed for rock, it's
not a common lathe material... and the size is a
little on the high end. My lathe-working textbook
suggests a high-torque lathe for large or difficult
work pieces. Fortunately, the Earth's rotational
momentum can be described as "quite torquey"
without any exaggeration. I also suspect that the
tool hitting mountain sides at rotational (1000mph)
+ geostationary speed (7000mph) might require
safety goggles. |
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Just use a mini black hole held in position by
electrostatic forces* |
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This has the advantage of automatically
removing the swarf at the actual cutting
point, giving a lovely smooth finish. |
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*Black holes can have an electrostatic
charge. Strange, but true. <link> |
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whatever the method, we'll have to say goodbye to
Bolivia, and Denver. |
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and quite a few bits of France, so it's a win-win. |
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has anyone decided what the cut-off will be? I
suggest exactly 978 metres. |
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Well, the obvious thing would be some kind of blade suspended from the moon, as it has some useful velocity. |
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Would need a bit of jiggering as the orbit isn't entirely circular. |
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I suggest alternate Thursdays 12-2pm it comes down to 3 metres, and then by standing on a convenient object you can get a free haircut... |
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Hmmm. Mountain ranges...juxtaposition of formerly
distinct land masses with widely differing dominant
species... |
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I'm looking closely at Wales. If it had drifted in from
somewhere like South America, we might be able to
sue it for environmental impact. |
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//I'm looking closely at Wales// |
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nothing good ever came of that |
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I had a very close look at a whale once, and the only lasting
harm it did was to leave me with a good story to tell at
family
gatherings. |
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Actually, thinking about, which way is England
moving at the moment? If we're heading towards
the USA, perhaps Wales is meant to be a crumple
zone? |
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I've heard that supposition somewhere before... |
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"So I see these two women walking towards me and I say, "Are you two lovely ladies from Ireland?" and they said, "No, Wales", so I said "Fine, are you two whales from Ireland?...
and that's the last thing I remember Doc. |
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// So what I'm saying is, take Wales and put it
on top of the Himalayas // |
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Wasteful … what with the Marianas trench
just crying out for a few billion tons of backfill
… |
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//which way is England moving at the moment// |
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I think the Atlantic is expanding, US and UK are
getting further apart. Eventually, the US may
become completely cut off from civilization. |
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Well, if it carries on it'll come round the other side
and hit Norfolk. Not that that'll change things. |
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As a half American, I've half a mind to reply. Which
is all it would take. |
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Which half ? Have you let Sturton play with the lightning rod and the
We-Belong-Dead switch again ? |
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As if last time wasn't bad enough - reanimated undead vampire
scotchmen roaming around, causing havoc. Took thirteen years to
root the buggers out of Downing Street ... |
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The half that has the American passport. The half
with the English passport doesn't talk to it much.
Neither of them are speaking to the half with the
Iraqi passport. |
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As for Sturton, haven't seen him for weeks. Last I
heard he was somewhere in a eastern African
river. Something to do with trained caddis fly
larvae and gold placer deposits. |
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Incidentally, the intercalary has been asking after
his nose-hair trimmer and I promised I'd mention
it if I saw you. |
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Due to too much faffing around on youtube on a boring Sunday, found Bjork's song about tectonics, as you do. Linky. |
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