Photattoo

So today, I was working with some silver nitrate solution. All was well and good, until some time after I left the lab I realized that my fingertips had turned black (they still are). Clearly I had mishandled some of the innocuous- looking clear solution, which had darkened on exposure to sunlight. This, of course, is more or less how photography was invented.

The black stains cannot be scrubbed off, and will just have to stay there until they grow out. A chemist colleague told me that nitric acid would oxidise the silver and thereby eliminate the stains, but that does not appeal.

A quick Google reveals that silver nitrate is sometimes used as a pigment in "henna" temporary tattoos. However, in that context it is just used as a dye, with the patterns being painted on.

But - gadulka!! - we can do better! MaxCo. is just about to evaluate its Photattoo system on our first customers. In a room dimly lit by only the reddest of red light, the customer is bathed in a solution of silver nitrate, before towelling themselves down and standing - very, very still please - in front of a computer projector.

Following a few minutes' exposure, the customer is spritzed with a stop solution, and emerges with a full-body tattoo of photographic (though monochrome) detail.

By a careful alignment of the projected image, we can tattoo you with a full-sized image of your chosen celebrity, the complete works of Shakespeare, or indeed any image of your chosen choice. For added irony, you can have a photograph of your face tattooed on your face.