h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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As temperature in sunny East Fenglia starts to drop below the
low 80s at last, and as Halloween looms on the metaphorical
horizon, one's mind turns inevitably to hot water bottles
shaped like internal organs.
Floppy, warm pink rubber was surely made for creating
perfect replicas of livers,
pancreases, lungs and other internal
organs, each to be filled with hot water via a protruding
stoppered artery.
see one of my old inventions that would be great for Halloween
Operating_20Room_20Souvenir_20Tablecloth
[xandram, Oct 25 2013]
[link]
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complete with a dangerously large complement of
digestive enzymes? |
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I think it's bad enough to wake up in a puddle of
rubbery water from a leaking bottle. Finding that
you've been partially digested would be worse. |
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So I'm guessing you would be ornamenting your bod
with this device somehow, that it might leak upon
you? |
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//leaking bottle// see "Jackson-Pratt drain"; imagine 3
of them sucking your peritoneum for 4 months...
dammit, [Max], that's an ugly flashback. I'm going to
have nightmares tonight. |
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Better that than your perineum. |
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I was expecting a hot-water-bottlesque thing for heating your pancreas, inferring that heating the pancreas preferentially would be more efficient than heating your anything-else. |
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//you've been partially digested would be worse. |
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If you market it as some kind of external liposuction, you'll be in the money. |
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Firstly, M'lord B. is already "in the money"
way over his head; and secondly, mentioning
liposuction would be an unfortunate and
somewhat tactless reminder of his Great-
Uncle Protherbury's scheme for
"environnmetally friendly organic liposuction"
by means of Lampreys trained to suck only
adipose tissue, a project abandoned during
the pilot phase when it proved just a little too
successful. |
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Ah, Uncle Protherbury. Brings a tear to my eye just
thinking of him. |
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Yes, he was a dear old chap, if a trifle eccentric even by Buchanan standards ... As to "bringing a tear to the eye", that's slightly different from the panic attacks and uncontrollable twitching his name still induces in his few surviving test subjects. |
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[+] What a wonderfully whimsical idea. |
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Or you could try marketing it as Hanseatic exo-liposuction, and then just blame the printers. |
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Protherbury blamed the lampreys, which was
more than a little unjust as they are not the
brightest of creatures and were only
following their training and instincts. Further,
his actual training methods left something to
be desired, and his blithe assumption tha
they would stop sucking when he blew a
whistle took no account of the fact that
lampreys are congenitally deaf. We call that
careless. |
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//We call that careless.// |
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Harsh, [8th], harsh. Uncle Proth was perhaps a
little naive, but he
was never one to expect others to undergo things
which he himself
was not willing to endure. |
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When it came to the initial (and, as it happened,
final) trials of his
system, he could have taken the safe and easy
way out by using one
of the Estate's staff as his test subject. But he did
_not_. Showing
selflessness in the pursuit of his dreams, he used
his very own
personal valet. |
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Oh, and tell Sturton yes, he can borrow our copy of the Necronomicon again for his Halloween party, as long as he promises not to say the long chant on page 751 of the complete edition, or use pieces of boiled ham as book marks. At least, we hope it was boiled ham ... |
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Well, you have clearly had more recent contact
with Sturton than have either I or our intercalary
twin. |
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Last I saw of him, he said he was on his way back
to Malacca on the pretext of securing a specimen
of Bencham's Mangabey to win a bet. However, I
doubt the veracity of his stated motivation since: |
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(a) Bencham's Mangabey does not occur on
Malacca. |
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(b) Bencham's Mangabey has not occurred
anywhere since 1922, when the the last specimen
was an appetiser at a Bullingdon club dinner. |
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I am inclined to suspect that he has gone on one
of his famous extended quests to commune with
alcohol. |
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