h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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Paino
C'mon now, focus... | |
The paino is like a normal piano only much more critical. Driven by the same algorithms as the Music Genome Project it 'listens' to your playing and analyses it, looking mainly for rhythm and harmony. When it hears sustained cacophony it swiftly slams the lid shut on the player's hands.
Useful both
for pubs where drinkers suddenly develop the belief that they are the new Chas 'n Dave after the fifth pint and for homes where children think hammering on the keys with their fists is fun for the whole family and not at all bad for the piano.
A more discerning model which can be set to punish the player for confusing "allegro" with "allegretto" is being developed for sadistic piano teachers (i.e. most of them).
The only downside is that you can safely play neither Schoenberg nor free jazz. Well, more of a side-effect than a downside.
[link]
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Better if it dragged you in, crunched you up and made a satisfied 'burp' sound. [+] |
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You could simply outfit a piano to detect abusive play and unharmingly close thereafter. Your halfbaked version is good too + |
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the above anno explicates the psychopath version, and it's also pretty good. |
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Could be used in concert with an "Oh!boe" and "Cell-ow!"... |
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Add a little shock when the pedals are pushed, for
those of us with a more discerning palate, por favor
el maestro? |
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Little? I fear your palate is too discerning for this device. I quite like [pocmloc]'s approach, mind you. |
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Nothing good can come from clamping the pianist. |
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Do the pedals also give them a good kick in the shins? Extra croissant for that! |
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The violin in this range of musical instruments doesn't make any sound at all, the logic being that if you're learning the violin the sound will be too ghastly to be heard by anyone and if you're good at playing the violin, you'll have your own violin and can use that. |
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Actors who have to pretend to play the violin put water on their bows to play silently - works a treat. |
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