Padded condom. To the X-treme!!

I'm always looking for new ways to push the boundaries of winter sports to new extremes. OK, you got me. I see snow for about two days a year and I've never even stood on a snowboard.

Now that unpleasantness is out of the way...

A padded body suit to slide down the slopes. The surface is padded with smooth bubble wrap (but high tech bubble wrap so they can charge you through the nose), that minimises friction between ass and snow and protects your fragile body from the harsh terrain.

The bag extends to your neck, where it meets the helmet (you'll need one), and down to the elbows. Your lower arms are covered in thick gloves with a blade running from elbow to pinkie finger (made from the same stuff they use to make snowboards). Steering is achieved by using the blades as rudders.

Basically that's about it. You'll need a reasonably steep slope to get up momentum, and it should be free of obstacles since a big rock could really ruin your day.

The target audience for this is people like me who have zero balance but like to go really fast down hills.

Given enough time, this could form the basis of a new X Games sport. The rider uses the snowboard runs, and points are awarded for somersaults in the air and various cool shapes they can make before bouncing to the ground. Just avoid the slide rails :-)