h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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I have a fairly normal set of bathroom scales, I didn't buy
them, they appeared at the same time as 24 varieties of
hair products. Anyhow, the device takes up about 1.5 sq ft
of bathroom floor space, and is easily large enough to
support two of even the largest feet. Now, I have to move
this
infernal thing around on a daily basis because floor
space is at a real premium.
I've noticed that the number of feet I stand on has very
little effect on how my mass interacts with gravity. So,
taking advantage of this we can make a half-sized set of
scales designed to weigh someone while stood on only one
foot.
We now have a device that's say 7x13 that performs the
same function as the previous floor hog. A few minutes
experimentation will reveal that balancing can cause the
apparent weight to fluctuate. Not a lot, and even the
feeblest of intellects could work out some sort of mid point
to get the real number. However, scales that even
transiently over read are evil devices that have real
malevolent personalities that plot to destroy the self
esteem of lady users.
To get around this, the scales will include a hydraulic
damper. The basic mechanism of bathroom scales is that
weight acts via levers against a spring. The more weight,
the more compression of the spring, the higher the
reading. Just like a car with worn shock absorbers, this
system is prone to act like a non-fun pogo stick. By adding
a hydraulic damper* the weight will move slowly up to the
correct weight and not bounce around.
Done, half a square ft of bathroom space back.
*I recommend the nice shiny ones from a 1990 Tamiya
Egress with the smallest hole piston.
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Ballet pointe shoe with integral strain gauge. |
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The ultimate space-saver. |
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I thought the collective would have embraced the simplicity
and compact dimensions of the meat hook? |
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We tried it, but the Intercalary wriggled off with disconcerting ease, and the next few minutes were highly unpleasant and full of incident. |
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The design has been filed in the "Theoretically useful, but in reality more trouble than it's worth" category. |
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It would have been better if [MB] had actually helped, rather than just sitting there laughing his head off, taking photos and swigging St. Emillion Grand Cru from a two litre platinum chalice he stole from some church somewhere. |
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//St. Emillion Grand Cru from a two litre platinum chalice
he stole from some church // |
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Booze of that quality in metric units? Was MB slumming on
some sort of misguided teenage gap year? |
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The wine comes in the usual 12-bottle case, so nine litres at as time; as to the chalice, he only wanted it as a souvenir, and besides it was only from some foreign place so it doesn't count (according to the Buchanan view of the world, anyway). |
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They may wear daft uniforms, but those Swiss Guards can shift when they want to, mind. Good job he had that getaway motorbike on standby. |
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Riding it straight down the aisle of St. Peter's was a bit tactless though - we warned him,people would notice. But he didn't listen. |
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It was only a Clos Fourtet, and it had stopped breathing so there was no time to waste. |
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//a souvenir, and besides it was only from some foreign
place so it doesn't count// |
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Such narrative is often thrown about in discussion of the
British Empire. What is missing is the practical
demonstration offered and the services provided
following the demonstration. The Elgin marbles for
example were acquired with a bit of creative
interpretation. If that's all it takes, then it's only a matter
of time. You'd need much more than a little creativity to
get them out of the British museum, they're clearly well
defended at the moment. Similarly, we noticed that India
was poorly defended in another practical demonstration,
Australia we assumed wasn't defended until all the
poisonous things and drought became obvious, now we
leave some wizened, wretched souls to act as warning to
the world. |
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//Riding it straight down the aisle of St. Peter's was a bit
tactless though// |
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I bet there was a complete absence of "no entry" signs or
in fact any of the standard safety equipment required by
a civilized society. |
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//Riding it straight down the aisle of St. Peter's was a bit tactless though// Nah, it was OK. I know the boss. |
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You rode it right over the pope's foot. His actual foot. We saw you do it. He's not a young man, it must have really hurt him. What did you expect him to do ? He wasn't that fast on his feet before, to let him get out of your way, and he's certainly not fast now - not with the plaster cast and the crutches and all. |
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And that was not a blessing he shouted after you, whatever you say. In a church, too, in front of all those nuns, and him a priest. Yes, he was in pain, but we didn't expect he knew words like that, let alone shout them at someone. Shocking. |
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If bathroom floor space is limited, surely you need
ceiling-mounted scales? These would be mounted on the
ceiling with handy grab handles hanging from them.
Simply grab the handles and hang from them and look
up to read the weight off the display. |
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//surely you need ceiling-mounted scales?//
If I ever own a house the, er, overhead environment
will be up to something approaching shipbuilding
specifications. I've seen stairlift prices. A little work
at the planning stages could outfit a home with a 5
ton overhead gantry crane for minimal extra cost
and the payoff would start immediately. Need to
move a dishwasher... Gantry crane, washing
machine? Gantry crane, Costco trip? Gantry crane. |
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Move corpse from bedroom to bathroom for dismemberment ? Gantry crane.... |
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Sheer genius, you should post that as an idea in its own right. |
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Houses in Amsterdam already have something like this.
The stairs in these houses are always too narrow and
steep to get anything up them so many older houses
have beams with pulleys on the end sticking out from
the roof gable into the street. You sometimes see
them being used and house movers swinging say, a
washing machine, in through an upper storey window. |
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We are well aware that the sexual culture in Amsterdam is liberal in the extreme, but this is the first time we have had reliable information that not only do the human inhabitants of the Netherlands indulge in
'swinging", but even their domestic appliances. |
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