h a l f b a k e r yIt might be better to just get another gerbil.
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Hypnosis- It has been used before to help people quit smoking, stop annoying habits, get annoying habits, etc.. and also to lose weight.This idea takes it out of the doctor's office and puts it right at the source- the restaurant.
When you arrive you are shown to the waiting area which will have
comfortable chairs, dim lighting, and shamanic drumming coming out of the sound system. After a suitable time you and your party will be shown to your table where the waiter/ certified hypnotist will proceed to put you under hypnosis.
The menu will be a blank sheet that you see as full of your favorite dishes. Order whatever your heart desires even if it is the double pounder cheeseburger wrapped in 1/2 pound of bacon and deep fried. It doesn't matter because...
The food is all organic, soy based glop that has no real flavor but is designed to be the most nutritious a food can naturally get. A mixture of stolid and gloopy soy based product will help to match the handling and texture of your order. After you're done the waiter will take the plates away, wake you in a refreshed and energetic state, and send you on your way.
You can visit every once in a while or as part of a weight lost program where you come in every day for lunch or dinner. You will think that you are a eating like a complete glutton at lunch that the rest of the day you will feel guilty and refrain from eating fattening stuff to make up for it.
P.S.- No the stuff is not made of people, despite the rumors. Look into my eyes- It is not made of people... believe me...belieeeeve meee...
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sp: Mesmer, as in Franz or Friedrich Anton Mesmer, 1733-1815, Austrian physician who pioneered the practice of inducing hypnosis through animal magnetism, hence "mesmerism". |
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I didn't misspell his name. It was never wrong...believe me... you will belieeeve meeee. |
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Oh, well. can't always work, I guess. Thanks- name changed. |
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Yes, then Chef's could become obsolete! |
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I also realized that you wouldn't even have to pay for decorating the place past the waiting room. It could just be an empty warehouse, full of folding chairs and rickety tables. None of it matters! Mu! Ha! Ha! Ha! |
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(Trying new evil laugh- what do you think? Too exclamatory?) |
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Wow, this could work with brothels too. Not sure exactly how.... |
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//Perhaps removing the spaces after the exclamation mark...// |
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Are you insane?! Have you not seen the pedants that reside in these here parts? Have you? I may be evil but I'm not crazy. You don't mess with the Halfbaked Pedants, that's all I'm saying. |
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Oh, and [BB]? Don't think I didn't see that little pun of yours. Mine eyes see all and I've got mine on you, buddy. Gruelty, indeed. I'll let it go this time but remember- it's only a tempeh'ary reprieve. |
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But hypnosis doesn't just work like a total anti-reality shield; do potential customers have to be screened at the door to determine their level of hypnotisability? Are there separate sections e.g. the concrete room with soy gloop for the highly hypnotisable, the slightly decorated room and food that looks as though it might at least be edible for the moderately hypnotisable, and the drugging chamber (heroin? (they gave you actual heroin in hospital!?) as suggested by Ra) for the unhypnotisable? |
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In answer to all of your questions cetacean, nah. If hypnosis doesn't work for you, you just get your money back and are hypnotised to never remember, never come back again. |
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Somehow, I don't think the memory-erasing hypnosis would be necessary (besides the fact that we've already established that it would be futile). Anyone who goes in expecting fine dining and ends up with soy glop is not likely to return. If they do, who is going to deny a paying customer his or her health-mash? |
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No health-mash for you! You do not believe, you do not eat! No health-mash for you! Get out! Get out! Get out! |
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+...that was the best croissant... |
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And here's a soy based bun from me. |
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You Want to leave a fourty percent tip...Want...To... |
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The dark side? I don't understand. We can make the healthmash any color you want, dark or light. It doesn't matter, none of it matters. You see what WE want you to see, that's the beauty of it. We are in control of your eating experience, we define your meal. Don't you UNDERSTAND? I AM A GOD! I don't have God complex. I AM GOD! |
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Only make sure you have the right spices/colorants to suit the preferences of international patrons. I assume that under this sort of "hypnotic" state I will always end up ordering mexican food (too tasty). + |
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