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BorgCo are proud to offer our latest innovation in uniquely styled tableware.
When you open the box, what you find is a small yet beautifully crafted model of a medieval castle, and a selection of tiny scale-model replicas of siege weaponry lovingly crafted in polished hardwood, brass, bronze and
leather.
Around the Castle centrepiece are little "emplacements", each one designed to take a specific weapon; the whole thing spins on a lazy-susan turntable.
The tops of the many turrets are removable to reveal within supplies of ammunition; salt, pepper, mustard, oil, vinegar, horseradish sauce and ketchup, along with suitably dimensioned ladles to allow said ammunition to be conveniently loaded into the business end of the siege weapon of your choice.
Take your tiny trebuchet, minature mangonel or bijou ballista, set and load it, trundle it up to your plate, and press the release lever to send its flavoursome payload in a beautiful ballistic arc onto your dinner.
Alternatively you can direct it at other diners.
The Oil and Vinegar dispensers are in the form of siege towers which squirt "Greek Fire".
Guaranteed to break the ice at parties.
Weaponized Utensils
Weaponized Utensils
Weaponized Utensils [pocmloc, Oct 19 2011]
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Annotation:
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Although it would have been [+][+] if you had
adhered to my original reading of "suitably
dimensioned ladies". |
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//Guaranteed to break the ice at parties.// To
avoid paying out under that guarantee, there
needs to be a
battering ram, for breaking ice at cocktail parties. |
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I picture a single large block of ice* and a cylinder,
oh, say, 4 inches in
diameter, made of something heavy -- steel or
lead maybe, but shaped like a log -- slung under a
frame in the traditional manner. Batter the face
of the ice block, and ice chips fall
into the glass. |
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*such as used
to be delivered in the days before home
refrigeration. |
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I'd like a double-barrel olive shooter please! |
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I thought medieval condiments were pretty much limited to some rather gritty salt. |
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//suitably dimensioned ladles// - misreading that as suitably dimensioned *ladies* changes the whole context of that sentence; It's as if at the old General's retirement home, the reenactment of famous battles by the residents is facilitated by the curvaceously Valkryesque nursing staff, forgoing the traditional nursing duties of keeping condiments well under control, and letting rip on the occasions that the Siege Engines are brought out to entertain the inmates. |
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Uncanny, from your description it sounds like you've actually visited the Buchanan Sanatorium for Distressing Gentlefolk ... |
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"Ah shit! I said horseRADISH it!" |
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//Pass the salt, Peter// [marked-for-tagline] for that
matter, pass the saltpeter would also work :) |
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Bun, but to be fair, I auto-bun anything having to do
with medieval siege weapons. |
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I was under the impression that all of us did that. I thought
it was in the HB bylaws... |
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Ooopsie! I didn't read the bylaws. Compulsory bun guiltily added. From a croissant catapult. |
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// "suitably dimensioned ladies" // |
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Ohhhh, my. Pass the salt, Peter. |
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Can we also have a five-barrelled pepperpot? |
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Not available in this set, we're afraid. |
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However, who knows what might come out of the R&D department in the future (although a mixture of manic cackling alternating with screams and whimpering is a fairly safe bet) ? |
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This idea is filed under "HB ideas I REALLY wish I had". |
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And that small cannon contains...Gunpowder Mustard
of course. |
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// However, who knows what might come out of the R&D
department in the future // |
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Smoke. Toxic fumes. Suspiciously heavy bodybags. Y'know,
the usual. |
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Most successful sieges were resolved by miners, I thought.
Or was it minors? |
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My Nan always used to claim the credit for herself. |
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Great. And a bun for the word 'emplacement' |
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Already bunned this of course. |
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