Master Acronym

Current Master Acronym PhD., DDS, CPA, SCA, BFA, M.E., etc. etc. wishes to retire from a long and distinguish career in being master of all things acronym. Looking for a able-bodied, self-motivated person interested in a rewarding career in being the evil overlord behind all organizations that uses an acronym for their name.

This person will be responsible for all current groups in existence such as the CIA, FBI, KGB (mostly defunct), SAG, MI5, SPCA, the list goes on and on. Maintaining current memberships, supplying real/ bogus information as situations demand to increase personal power base, and judicious use of PR/ media to convince the populace that current rumors/ untruths are in fact true are but a few of the duties required.

Must be an excellent and creative wordsmith able to put together acronyms both from real words and random collections of letters to accurately reflect or hide new group intent. Must be able to manage and direct large staff to help rule the world from behind the scenes. Must be truly evil so things like lying, killing, or conscience don't get in the way of manipulating and controlling entire world.

Perks include: Underground volcano lair with secret entrance, paid vacations, really mean tuna with freaking lasers on their heads for torturing conspiracy theory nuts that get to close to the truth, complete control of mankind, college interns to handle small project names that require acronym service (mainly government contracts- i.e weapon names and special opts teams), and company car (2004 Toyota Prius, red ).

Do you want to be the power behind 'they' when people report to their friends, "They say that if you tickle a dog's left nipple, he'll start cackling like a drugged out rooster. It must be true, because that's what they say." or " They said we had to destroy their country because it's filled with Godless heathens." Then this is the career for you! Please apply at Monster.com. Resume and Super Villain costume a plus.