h a l f b a k e r yFlaky rehab
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You can never have enough undead to serve you after their death and this combines the complementary process of mass production with necromancy.
A driveable combine harvester is converted to include a mortuary that automatically feeds six people beside each other onto the production line so they
can be worked on by 6 voodoo priests as pass below them and then be automatically buried into 6 graves. This allows the driver to work his gradual way across the field leaving rows 6 furrows wide from which Zombies will arise on the stroke of midnight.
This should create a suitable Zombie army capable of taking over the world, crushing your enemies or serving fast food.
Night of The Living Dead
http://www.windowsm...oween/Halloween.asp
Choose your speed and Watch entire movie online [thumbwax, Oct 31 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Half Baked
http://www.amazon.c...dos/ASIN/0380014033
Will also feature in Star Wars II, or possibly III, or whenever they get around to the Clone Wars discussed at length in the various book series. [DrBob, Oct 31 2001, last modified Oct 05 2004]
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Annotation:
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As someone with a keen interest in armies of the undead doing my bidding, I have to say I approve. This would after all mirror the way Rabbis allegedly work in slaughterhouses doing the kosher blessings. But do you know 6 voodoo priests? |
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And here I was hoping it might somehow stop trick or treaters... well I sopose it could but its not exactly cost efective... |
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But can you train them *all* to do the dance moves from Thriller? |
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I think we should get them to do the Hamster Dance (gone, but not forgotten). |
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Baked: Take 16-year-old, add MTV. |
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No, Rods, we're the trendy minority. There's loads of people coming after us who are all going to be alive; it must be cool. The dead people just got tired of the fashion for living, I guess - just a passing fad, you know. |
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[Rods Tiger] I have it at the back of my mind that the living actually outnumber the dead. Somthing to do with exponential population growth but I can't be bothered to crunch the numbers to confirm this. |
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No, it's true. And the crossover point was pretty recently. It was when we passed 6 billion on earth - of course it can't be known exactly, because we can only estimate the numbers of people who have ever lived, and we can't even agree on when our species was distinctly 'begun'. There's probably something in the NewScientist archive or a similar place. I believe it was first brought up in response to the Roman idea that dying should not be a frightening experience because one is simply 'joining the majority'. |
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This question of whether there were more people live than have ever lived was asked on @discovery.ca (a canadian science news show). It is not true. The current number of alive people is a fraction of all of the people who have been alive since humans came about. The origin of this misconception may have arisen out of the idea "there are more people alive right now than at any other specific time in the past". Try rephrasing that and you'll see it is easily confused. |
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oh yeah, and +1 for a damn good idea. There's never enough undead around when you need `em! |
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While zombies are cool, they're not the only horror-type monster I'd like to see mechanical production increase the numbers of. |
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How about a vampire production line, with a big fan sucking up people and pulling them through a narrow pipe with fang-holes in it? Or a werewolf production line on similar principles. |
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A mummy production line would also be cool, and would only require dead bodies, unlike my first two. An automated wrapping machine (fit the corpse to a big spindle and whirrrrr!) would take care of the first part, but I'm not sure how you bring a mummy to life. Do you need to curse them, bury them, and then disinter them? |
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Finally, a mutant superhero production line, using something like a big conveyer belt x-ray machine from an airport with the power output cranked right up. You could introduce optional radioactive animals every now and then to add to the fun. Or just irradiate a zoo, open all the cages and lock the main gates. |
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<personal>My old ambition in life was to be an Angel/Batman-style taciturn superhero, but I can see villainy as a whole new career option. I just need that one werewolf to start the whole thing off.</personal> |
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I used to be a werewolf but I'm all right n- (<thud>, no we'll have none of that). |
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I don't much fancy the vampire production line, pottedstu, all those poncy, frilly-cuffed, hand-nailed-to-forehead, effete 'Creatures of the Night'. Pah! Werewolves are immeasurably cooler. You get a tail to wag, you get to lick your own balls with a big lolling tongue, you have a valid excuse for howling at the moon, and, besides, I've always had a taste for Ouzo. If they were truly 'lupine' in nature, also, a werewolf would actually be a loyal, loving, and smart little critter too (I'm convinced those damn goth vamp wannabes are behind werewolves's bad press). I can just see myself transforming under a full moon, snarling, growling, barking and howling... then rolling over onto my back in that "rub my tummy! rub my tummy!" posture. Bring it on. |
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I have an Egyptian mummy. (Born in Cairo.) |
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Ummm they already have that... it's called
Jack In The Box......
or would that be,... Jack Out Of The Box? |
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Resurrection inc by Kevin J. Anderson dealt with this idea quite nicely. |
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Also, I think it would be fun to have the zombies bounce like they do in Chinese horror comedy movies. |
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Would this be compulsory for all deceased or would it be an option you can put on your drivers licence (like organ donation). |
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I see Mass Zombification as more of an "on demand" process in times of war or on the eve of Halloween. |
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Being a werewolf would be pretty cool, but think of all the clothes that you'd go through? every time you transform you rip open your shirt and pants. plus with all that extra hair, you'd spend tons of money on shampoo and conditioner. its hard to keep that back hair silky smooth. |
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Nice anno timing [Aristotle]. |
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I think i've seen this happen before, where was it? |
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Oh yeah, the office christmas party!
(Not the Program!) |
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I think Microsoft is doing this already. Admittedly, they have yet to bring zombiefication and world takeover together into the same concept, but it's gonna happen soon. |
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Who needs zombies when you have Ozzy? |
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Hokey medieval factorization. A zombie army should be made using the innovation of man's depravity and unnatural kinship to science. Abduction of living specimens surgically reconstructed and plastinized appropriately would have far more benefits than that of putrefying flesh dancing under the bushy eyebrows of some Bela Lugosi wanna be. |
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Rods, I happen to remember reading in my Math 8 textbook (published around 1994), that all the people alive in that year ammassed to 11% of all people that were ever alive on the planet. |
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After seven millenia of civilization, that's quite a sizeable fraction. |
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I'd heard an estimate that there were 50 billion dead, which seems to approximately parallel WordUp's estimate. |
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I found this and I had to laugh. Try reading 'the Zombie Survival Guide', by Max Brooks, then read this, and I guarantee hilarity. |
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saw shaun of the dead today. awesome. i like the conecept of voodoo priests in this idea - its something i had always wanted to be as a child. oh well, catholic now - same thing really. |
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I would've thought that with all the evil geniuses in our society, they'd thought up some form of virus that would reanimate dead people into zombies. |
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Anyone seen the original dawn of the dead? All the zombies are either blue or green, and the blood looks sooooo fake! And you must see the commentary on the DVD, hilarious! |
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Shawn of the Dead is way funny though. |
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For some reason, in the 1/2B, zombies are not considered magic. They seem to always escape the "m-f-d: magic" anno. |
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first rule of zombie magic: nobody talks about zombie magic. |
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// Does anyone know why? // |
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The zombiefied grandfather clause. Actually, it probably gets by because everyone knows that zombies aren't real, and therefore it's never a contested issue. |
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The only problem I see is that the increased number of zombies will mean just that many more to turn on their creators - but since this can't be avoided with zombies anyway, a croissant! |
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I'm sorry but I just can't help reviving dead and buried zombie ideas [+] |
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