h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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Decorative Christmas nutcrackers, often in the form of soldiers*, are Baked and WKTE. <link>
Now, engineers at BorgCo are bringing them up to date.
The traditional design has to be hand-loaded, one nut at a time, placed in the figure's "mouth"; analogous to a muzzle-loaded musket. How very crude
and unsatisfactory. It's time for something better ...
The new BorgCo design has a receptacle in the backpack into which a pre-loaded magazine of nuts can be inserted. Integrated into the magazine is a rechargeable battery.
To ready the nutcracker, raise the right arm to the brim of the hat in salute, then release it. The voice command system is then activated, and the words "Open fire !" will cause the nutcracker to crack and spit out the nuts and broken shells in rapid succession until the magazine is exhausted.
No liability is assumed for injuries caused by shell fragments, of whatever type. Consult the BorgCo website for an extensive range of helmets, eye protection, and body armour.
*Are we the only ones who find the facial expressions on those nutcrackers really disturbing ?
Nutcracker doll
https://en.wikipedi...iki/Nutcracker_doll
Existing technology [8th of 7, Dec 08 2018]
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Annotation:
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Would this not require some standardization of nuts? From
what people tell me, your nuts are different sizes. |
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// standardization of nuts? // |
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The nuts are sorted before being loaded into the magazines at the BorgCo nut-stuffing facility. |
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// your nuts are different sizes. // |
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From what the judges said when we won first prize, the variation is statistically insignificant. |
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Did they mail them back to you after the judging? |
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No need; we took them away with us. |
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Abducting judges is a bit dramatic, isn't it? |
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Did you return them when you'd finished with the probes? |
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They came with us of their own accord. In fact, they clamoured to be Assimilated, on the condition that we provided them with ... upgrades. |
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Which we did. They walk a little awkwardly now, but they're happy. |
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