h a l f b a k e r yContrary to popular belief
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Machine Gun
Confuse the enemy while making them keep their heads down | |
This gun could come in several varieties, depending only on how you want to shoot the ammunition. For example, it might use compressed air like a "pumpkin chucker", or electromagnets like a coil gun, or even plain old-fashioned bags of black powder, such as were used to shoot the 16-inch-wide shells
from battleships like the Missouri or the Iowa (only we won't need bags that are quite so large).
It is the ammunition that makes this gun special. The "shell" is somewhat large, but it is also nicely aerodynamic and hollow. The hollow space contains a fair amount of special padding, possibly based on the properties of custard.
Nestled inside the padding is a machine. It might be any one of a wide assortment of machines. Sewing machines, blenders, electric razors, espresso machines, etc. Because it is likely they will be damaged upon impact, in spite of the padding, we might as well obtain these machines by rescuing them from the nation's landfills. It should take quite a while before we run low on ammunition!
Meanwhile, there is no reason to be nice to the enemy, so shooting some of our trash at them should be perfectly acceptable. Perhaps they will surrender sooner than otherwise, dying of curiosity to find out why we are giving them all that nice junk!
at least this one has some redeeming features
Hand-Gun
[FlyingToaster, Sep 29 2010]
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Just pray that MacGyver is on your side. |
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You want to lob old machines upon an enemy. At
least I understand it. Not the lamest idea I've read
around here, pun or no pun...but, no bun. |
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//..there is no reason to be nice to the enemy..// |
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True. Couldn't we just talk trash to them? |
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New idea: landfill WWII trenches... |
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Yeah, I'm with [21Q] - it's the sort of idea that wouldn't exist
without the pun, and it's the sort of pun that would get
beaten up in the playground. |
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That's nothing. One of my teams is working on a Space Gun. |
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Actually, there must come a point where it is more efficient
to hold the projectile still, and fire the target towards it at
high speed. |
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" "," "," "," "," "," ",{click} |
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From "Goodbye to all that" by Robert Graves. It is his memoir of WW1 which I highly recommend. |
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"Our greatest trial was the German canister--a two-gallon drum with a cylinder inside containing about two pounds of an explosive called ammonal that looked like salmon paste, smelled like marzipan and, when it went off, sounded like the Day of Judgment. The hollow around the cylinder contained scrap metal, apparently collected by French villagers behind the German lines: rusty nails, fragments of British and French shells, spent bullets, and the screws, nuts and bolts that heavy lorries leave behind on the road. We dissected one unexploded canister, and found in it, among other things, the cogwheels of a clock and half a set of false teeth. The canister could easily be heard approaching and looked harmless in the air, but its shock was as shattering as the very heaviest shell. It would blow in any but the very deepest dug-outs; and the false teeth, rusty nails, cog-wheels, and so on, went flying all over the place. We could not agree how the Germans fired a weapon of that size. The problem remained unsolved until July 1st, when the Battalion attacked from these same trenches and found a long wooden cannon buried in the earth and discharged with a time-fuse. The crew offered to surrender, but our men had sworn for months to get them." |
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[MB]//Actually, there must come a point where it is
more efficient to hold the projectile still, and fire
the target towards it at high speed.// |
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Like Zulu warriors who plant their spears in the
ground and let charging lions impale themselves? |
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//Like Zulu warriors who plant their spears in the ground and
let charging lions impale themselves?// |
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Wasn't that a Cole Porter tune? |
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If you think lions’ teeth are fearsome, wait ’till you see machine gums. |
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