h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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Lobo-Cows
Genetically Engineered Lobo-Cows for Veggie Burgers | |
Genetically engineered cows with little or no brain function could surely be processed into "vegetable" burgers. Need I say more?
prediction of non sentient meat
http://www.chronicl...uk/2016/2016-4.html
[technobadger, Jan 29 2001]
The other vat meat.
http://www.halfbake.../Vat_20Grown_20Food
Includes link to Kibological "Animal 57" exegesis. [jutta, Jan 29 2001]
Turpitudeless chickens
stupider_20chickens
The equally boned sequel to this idea [Voice, Nov 05 2010]
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Annotation:
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Meat animals have had most of their intelligence bred out of them already. |
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You have obviously missed one of the great inventions of this century, Animal 57, created by Kentucky Fried Chicken as an alternative to having to ship large amounts of dead animal parts all over the country. No more will the teamsters control the fast food industry! With Animal 57, you just slice a hunk off, put it in your sandwich, and it grows back! |
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Fat cows with little or no brain power? When was the last time you visited Congress? Not a bad idea; we farm them out to Washington, then turn them into balogna - not too far a reach. A whole new take on the term "pork-barrel". |
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How about "vat-growing" just one mother of a cow? |
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I think I'd prefer to know that Jesse Helms will one day be processed into a peaceful loaf of mystery meat. (Hawaii Boy, you're a genius.) |
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Aziraphale, that sounds a lot like the giant chicken heart from the Frederik Pohl novel "The Space Merchants," referred to as Chicken Little. Slicing pieces off of it was a high-risk job due to the rapid growth rate. |
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Yeast, plantkon, algae and bacteria are all vat-grown
'animals' commonly used as commercial food additives. It is
my understanding that there is an Italian brand of low-fat
ice cream made from a base of vat-grown bacteria which
are killed by high-temperature steam and processed into a
flavourless, fat-free, high-protein paste (essentially, pus).
Bon Apetit. |
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Perhaps use just a local anasthetic and lop a bit off when you feel peckish? Alternatively GM velcro at specific levels through the muscle and rip it off. |
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//Need I say more?// Yes, please. |
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It's actually very hard work to keep a mammal alive with
most of its brain missing. No good supposing the animal
was born that way: congenital anencephalics are pretty
hard to keep alive as well. You can postulate that the
animal's genetically engineered not to need the missing
parts, but that's just GM magic. |
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Might work with reptile, amphibian, or fish (i.e. might live
long enough to make an edible quantity of meat, though
surely not a normal lifespan). Not sure about birds. |
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// congenital anencephalics are pretty hard to
keep alive as well// |
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Yeah, but you have to make an effort. String
them up like in that movie "Coma," and sock the
nutrients to them. |
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None of the muscles would get much exercise
(beyond a little shockecution to keep them from
turning to complete mush), so every part of the
cow would be tender like a ribeye. |
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You could even program a few heavy-duty robotic
arms to make them do a little marionette dance
for "Coma Cowz" commercials, to the tune of
"Singular Sensation:" |
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A
persistent vegetative
state makes us taste so great |
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A
lack of mental function
makes the guilt go away ... |
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