h a l f b a k e r yNot the Happy Cuddle Club.
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A spoon or blade shaped thing is mounted on the end of a horizontal rod about a foot above the centre of the table. The rod is rotated on its axis by some mechanical means at a slowish rate (one revolution every few seconds).
To start with, the rod tips forward into a jar of runny honey and draws
onto the blade or spoon thing a sizable gob. Then, after returning to horizontal, the rotation of the rod should keep the honey perpetually about to drip off onto the table... but not quite!
A control knob allows the speed to be adjusted depending on honey viscosity. To help yourself to some honey, hold your toast underneath and either press the button marked B or hold your finger against the turning rod to slow it down and allow some honey to dribble down.
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Annotation:
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Clarification: is the spoon- or blade-shaped thing itself in
line with the shaft or perpendicular to it (when in the
default
position)? |
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what does button A do again? |
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The same thing it did before, of course! |
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[Alterother], it is articulated so that the user can experiment to find the optimum position. |
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Oka-ay... So, is this a sort of mechanized novelty honey-
dipper? There remains a distinct possibility that I'm missing
the point. |
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//what does button A do again?// |
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Actually, A is not a button but a spoon (or a blade), as
you can see in paragraph 1. |
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Didn't they settle that in one of the Matrix movies? There is no spoon. |
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There's a flaw in it somewhere. No-mess honey is
like perpetual motion: the violation of Physics may
be cleverly hidden, but you know it must be there. |
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In this case, probably something to do with A being
both a spoon and a control knob, which is imposible
with baryonic matter. |
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There's something funny with this runny honey, sonny. |
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Do you think that the honey would gradually work its way up the spindle? Perhaps it should be angled down a few degrees. |
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And yes, //a sort of mechanized novelty honey- dipper// is exactly the point. |
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Ah, good. Thank you for that. |
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it needs a button C to control a swisher that keps the flies off. |
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I think it sounds a bit magical to be able to keep the honey from dripping with a control knob. All honey varies in consistency and viscosity... |
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Then clearly it needs a camera focused on the drip feeding into an image recognition system, which controls the speed of the motor to keep it at its optimum value. |
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Do flies like honey? Wouldn't bees be more of a threat? |
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I am thinking that the dipping is inelegant. Perhaps the honey could be fed in along the hollow shaft. |
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Yes, a camera would be good, or a discreet flunky. |
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flies like honey? why the f**k not? |
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I think we can safely say that this would be the first
mechanized novelty honey-dipper to incorporate a
potentiometer speed control, but the flies vs. bees
problem may require an experiment involving fewer
variables. There are just too many things going on here for
us to determine conclusively whether flies are more
attracted to honey than bees, and, regardless of the
outcome, which species poses a bigger threat/annoyance.
Occam's Razor, people! |
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We should also consider examining if the existence of
honey attracts bees to a location or if honey is the
*result* of bees being in the location. Where is Winnie
the Poo when you need him? |
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We are all in agreement then, there is no spoon? |
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The button should probably be marked 'H' for Honey.
Otherwise, you run the risk of people expecting the device to release Bees.
(There remains the danger of the device being used on its side, in which case people may anticipate something beginning with I, like Ice, Ink, Ice Cream, or Influenza) |
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Needs more control variables. |
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1) temperature control - reticulate coolant through the dipper head at a controlled rate to vary the viscosity of the honey. |
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2) angle control - vary the angle of the dipper head - vertical will "drip" more freely than horizontal. |
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3) speed control - vary the rotational speed of the head. |
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4) 5 feed rate - as per [pocmloc]'s anno - honey is conveyed to the head via internal tubing. |
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controls 1-4 are manipulated to get the desired dispensation rate onto your chosen recepticle. |
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