h a l f b a k e r y"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
browse anonymously,
or get an account
and write.
register,
|
|
|
Has Anyone Seen...?
A creative sentence to answer the query of whatever happened to [halfbaker]. | |
The Halfbakery affords an outlet for the invention-minded
among us while preserving a modicum of privacy for those
who might otherwise be visited by quiet professionals in
white lab coats armed with pens, stethoscopes, hypos with
cheerfully colored fluids, etc.
In response to a status query,
a knowledgeable baker
might respond, “She has retreated to a quiet place to
count the money of her final reward” or “He was last seen
arguing with the Collective on the merits of remaking the
Cube into a dodecahedron.” This would at least allay
occasional concerns that the individual had wandered off
and found, gasp, something better to do.
The [halfbaker] in question could always pop in and state
that the rumors of their demise were greatly exaggerated.
[link]
|
| |
Something better to do?... |
|
| |
// quiet professionals in white lab coats armed with pens, stethoscopes, hypos with cheerfully colored fluids, etc. // |
|
| |
1. Sturton is an amateur, not a professional. |
|
| |
2. He stole the white coat off [MB]. |
|
| |
3. They aren't proper pens - they're wax crayons. He isn't allowed sharp objects. |
|
| |
4. The "stethoscope" is out of a "Junior Doctor Play Set (Ages 3 - 7 years)". |
|
| |
5. The hypodermics are real, and filled with some incredibly weird stuff ... |
|
| |
//5. The hypodermics are real, and filled with some incredibly weird stuff ...//
The white one is... <taste-test> toothpaste.
The brownish one is... <taste-test> engine oil.
The green one is... <not tasting any more> fluorescent paint?
The clear one is... just saline solution, but marked "TOXIC". |
|
| |
//Sturton is an amateur, not a professional.// |
|
| |
He would take issue with that. He is frighteningly
professional - we just haven't discovered what at. |
|
| |
Which reminds me, [8th] - he wonders if you've
finished with that Mantovani LP, and whether you
need another tube of the ointment yet (he's worried
that you're using too much of it; I told him he hadn't
seen the rash). |
|
| |
Has anybody seen [JesusHChrist]? |
|
| |
Why yes, in the last piece of toast that I made... |
|
| |
// finished with that Mantovani LP, // |
|
| |
Thankyou, yes. To our surprise it was even more effective than promised - on the second playing of side 2, all the rats that hadn't run away already strangled themselves with their own tails. Amazing to watch. |
|
| |
// whether you need another tube of the ointment // |
|
| |
No, we're fine. Every time his rash and itching starts to recede, we just smear a little more on the rim of the toilet seat. It's not very fair on Mrs. Hollande, but he didn't have to run for President. |
|
| |
What's in that stuff, by the way ? Some derivative of mustard gas, presumably. |
|
| |
//I told him he hadn't seen the rash).// |
|
| |
Umm, are we to understand that you have, Max? |
|
| |
Yes, but it's pay-per-view .... |
|
| |
//are we to understand that you have, Max?// Yes.
[8th] is rather, ah, matter-of-fact when it comes to
things like that. On the plus side, I lost about twenty
pounds in weight in the following weeks. |
|
| |
Yup, eight seconds of viewing the Hollande Butt-Cam at breakfast time will do that for you, no problem. |
|
| |
I quite like imagining if a high profile people are writing on the bakery. Although I am not invested enough to seek through their public statements for common mannerisms. Just pondering is enough. |
|
| |
I got trolled by Clint Eastwood on Twitter. Does that
count? |
|
| |
If I am lying flat on my back I have a high profile, these days. Also, Clint Eastwood is my boyfriend on Instagram. But he only sends me photos from his movies! He is a funny guy. |
|
| |
//I got trolled by Clint Eastwood// |
|
| |
//Clint Eastwood is my boyfriend// |
|
| |
One of these days, preferably before we all die, we
should get together an produce a book. Or just drink
a lot. Drinking a lot would work too. |
|
| |
It's better than an idea, it's a plan. |
|
| |
Lacks specifics. Drink a lot of what? |
|
| |
A water-ethanol mix not exceeding 50% ethanol by volume, with the addition of reasonably non-toxic flavourings, plus dissolved carbon dioxide if desired. |
|
| |
//Drink a lot of what?// Asking that question
suggests that you are not a serious drinker. |
|
| |
Obviously, we can exclude anything that doesn't
contain alcohol, since such things are beverages
rather than drinks. |
|
| |
Equally, we can dismiss beers, lagers, ales, wines
and ciders - they are almost entirely water, and
trying to drink them at anything like a professional
level imposes an unrealistic burden on the kidneys. |
|
| |
I suppose fortified wines might be feasible - there
is a long tradition of semi-professional port
drinking, for instance. But then again, a serious
drinker would argue that port is not a fortified
wine, but merely a spirit diluted with wine. |
|
| |
That brings us, of course, to spirits themselves.
Many whisky drinkers consider themselves to be
serious drinkers, but in fact whisky is eschewed by
real professionals. It has far too much complexity
and depth to it to support serious levels of
consumption - a bit like trying to set a good time
in the 100 metres hurdles whilst wearing a dinner
jacket. Much the same can be said for brandy,
though probably with a slur. |
|
| |
Gin is nearer the mark, but then again if you're
going for a clear spirit, why lace it with botanicals? |
|
| |
So that brings us to vodka which, as Jeffrey
Bernard pointed out, is the serious drinker's drink.
It doesn't muck about - vodka is basically raw
alcohol with the minimum of water needed to
prevent excessive combustion (or dehydration of
the oral mucosa, for that matter). It is the only
drink that needs to contain only two types of
molecule, and only three different elements.
Vodka manufacturers go to great lengths to filter
out anything else that might get in the way. It is
simply a
drink whose sole purpose is to be drunk, in any
sense of the word. |
|
| |
This is brilliant! More than that, it even makes sense. |
|
| |
// the same can be said for brandy, though probably with a slur. // |
|
| |
A slur upon any french product is entirely natural and proper. |
|
| |
//good time in the 100 metres hurdles whilst wearing a dinner jacket. |
|
| |
What? I knew standards in athletics were dropping.... |
|
| |
I would tell you, but then I'd have tequila. |
|
| |
Hahahaha, you so funny guy. |
|
| |