h a l f b a k e r yOn the one hand, true. On the other hand, bollocks.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
browse anonymously,
or get an account
and write.
register,
|
|
|
1. Statement which suggests that its speaker is or may be a halfwit, particularly statements made with humourous intent which are for whatever reason judged to be completely witless: e.g., "Working hard or hardly working?"
2. Humorous statement on the Halfbakery which is sensible only within the
context of this site.
A page full of definition number 2?
http://www.halfbake...ea/Uberhomingpigeon
[PotatoStew, Nov 24 2000, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Urban Dictionary
http://www.urbandictionary.com
A website to post and find definitions for words and phrases not (yet) in standard dictionaries. [Apache, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny
http://en.wikipedia...pitulates_phylogeny
Now discredited. [Blumster, Feb 15 2005]
[link]
|
| |
"What goes around comes around" |
|
| |
Don't forget about the ones that aren't humorous, but nonetheless serve warning that the speaker is witless. Stuff like "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual," "love at first sight" and "match made in heaven." The one about "not religious/just spiritual" is definitely one of the worst. But there's also the repertoire issued by corporate drones who must rely on cliches as a crutch for imagination. For example, "bringing something to the table" or having "a lot on my plate." Then there's "window of opportunity," "win-win situation," "glass ceiling" and "welcome aboard"--God, I HATE that one. Aboard WHAT? Abject misery? Also: "economic model"--as if cupidity has anything to do with structure. I could continue, but (here's another one) "you get the idea." |
|
| |
Actually, Rachele, cupidity has everthing to do with economic structure, *cubiformity* is specious. |
|
| |
No, no; I disagree. The definition of cupidity is simply "greed," which is an underlying motivator, not a an elaborate method--that is, "structure"--one wields to achieve their (often ill-gotten) gains. What I'm saying is that glossing over it and assigning the legitimate-sounding term "economic model" seems a roundabout way to the good old-fashioned, straightaway method of just ripping everyone off, which is what business amounts to anyway. I mean, be real about this. You can assemble all the "economic models" you want, but what's behind it? Cupidity. What I'm saying is, just get it over with and stop making it sound carefully thought-out and benign. |
|
| |
Oh, I have another one: "Number theory". You can talk about math all you want, but at bottom I'm pretty sure it's just a bunch of people fooling with perfectly ordinary numbers and trying to sound smart. Man that makes me mad. And people who go on about "politics" and "political systems", trying to dignify something that's just about a bunch of people who want to be able to tell other people what to do. And those who swank around talking about "automobiles" and "Wankel rotary engines" when those are really just heaps of smelly metal. Thank goodness there are people like me who are clever enough to see through it all. |
|
| |
Thank you, because that's exactly it. That's what I was trying to say, though I think you did a lot better job of illustrating it than I did. I know that economic "models" are based on cupidity, and I agree with Scott_D on that, but the point is that people who play fast and loose with these sort of terms are simply attaching to a basic, distasteful fuction a euphemism that makes it seem legitimate, logical (though, interestingly and conveniently, beyond our understanding) and therefore, somehow "okay." It's probably all hooey, of course, but once you shroud it in challenging configurations, that "hooey" is less evident to many, many people. |
|
| |
In summary, euphemism is advertising's best friend; advertising, as most of us are aware, is the sine qua non of consumer fraud. |
|
| |
Sarcasmo strikes again and claims another victim with his
subtlety. |
|
| |
Who is "Sarcasmo"? Surely you don't mean me. Anyway, I didn't detect any sarcasm in these remarks whatsoever. Just the facts, sir. |
|
| |
Anyway, with a name like "PotatoStew," you don't need to be criticizing anyone. |
|
| |
Ouch, rachele... please, no need to insult me. I was
referring to Monkfish as Sarcasmo, not you. Monkfish has
been known to exhibit some sarcasm on occassion, and
unless I'm mistaken (and if I am, then I certainly apologize
to all involved), he didn't actually agree with you, but was
instead poking a little fun at your comments. |
|
| |
No, seriously: Where did your name come from? (Sorry it seemed like I was insulting you. I couldn't do that, though--I don't even know you!) |
|
| |
So monkfish seemed to be making fun of me? No news there. Everyone makes fun of me--heh heh! I didn't get that impression, though. Probably I'm oblivious to it by now. |
|
| |
Anyway, I do apologize. No hard feelings, okay? |
|
| |
Not a problem, rachele. Sorry I was vague in my original
remark. By the way, I totally agree with you on the "not
religious/just spiritual" thing. What exactly does that
mean? |
|
| |
Another possible halfwitticism: "Let's run it up the flagpole
and see who salutes it." |
|
| |
Yeah, that one and "put that in your pipe and smoke it." That one must be older than Tut, but people still say it. Or "try that on for size." Phew. |
|
| |
"What star sign are you?" |
|
| |
"Well it's 6 of one, half a dozen of the other." |
|
| |
Just heard this for the first time last week and I had to stop the speaker to make sure I understood what she meant: "Either way, it doesn't matter." Uh, sure. |
|
| |
I ain't doin' it for my health (overheard from person out for morning exercise/walk) I pointed out the halfwitticism-thankfully, only took a moment for the person to "get it" |
|
| |
When people tell you to "have a nice day," just say "thanks, but I have other plans." |
|
| |
"You try it first." ----- Here's your sign. |
|
| |
"Well, be that as it may", "Oh, that's a whole nother (sic) thing", "I could tell you but then I would have to kill you", |
|
| |
"Just as an FYI..."
"Nothing's impossible."
"You can't even taste the mushrooms." |
|
| |
Funny, there were hard returns in the Annotation box. |
|
| |
"Proof's in the pudding." |
|
| |
"Close only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades."
"Close enough for government work."
"Close enough for jazz." |
|
| |
I have been wanting to know what "proof of the pudding" means since I first heard it. What the hell is "proof of the pudding"? Can anyone explain this to me? It's driven me crazy forever, especially because there's a catering company in town that actually calls itself that. Which, of course, is even more puzzling, because now I not only don't know what "proof of the pudding" is supposed to mean, but I don't understand why a caterer would choose that as its name. |
|
| |
I can assemble some sense from most of these, stupid and irritating and unimaginative as they are, but what's this s&*($ about "pudding"? |
|
| |
"peal your eyes" thats just DISGUSTING! everytime i hear it i gringe. also, anyone using the word "tolleration" or "acceptince" in a positive manner. people who wear crystals, and "the cats meow" or "the leader of the pack" |
|
| |
rachele - The full saying is "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" meaning (with relation to puddings only) that whilst it may look and smell wonderful you never know whether or not it's going to be any good until you actually taste it.
In a wider context it's kind of an anti "style-over-substance" saying which can be applied to anything that looks good so far, but has yet to show you whether or not it can actually do what it's really truly there for. (e.g. Hotels with flash reception areas, but what about the rooms / service? Bands with looks and attitude, but what about the music, etc). |
|
| |
On a more general note this thread appears to have mutated into a "phrases we hate" discussion, so I'll add in one that bugs me - when someone says "pacifically" when they mean "specifically". That winds me up out of all proportion. In fact, I can feel a letter to the Daily Telegraph coming on. |
|
| |
Can't see too much wrong with "six of one, half a dozen of the other" or "either way, it doesn't matter", though. |
|
| |
Another one which at first sight appears stupid is "the exception that proves the rule". What many people don't realise is that 'prove' in this phrase is actually used in the sense of 'test', as in "proving" a horse. |
|
| |
Thank you, waugsqueke. "Nucular" is also at the top of my list (along with apostrophes used in words that are PLURAL!!! and not possessive). Most irritating and disappointing of all was the fact that Jimmy Carter (whom I do not hate) said "nucular," and he was not only President of the U.S., but even had a degree in Nuclear Physics! I mean, just what IS a nucule?!! |
|
| |
"Ec cetera." Do the people who say it this way have ANY idea what it's for and what it means, or are the just aping? (Or horsing around?) |
|
| |
waugsqueke: It isn't over 'til the Fat Lady sings (which apparently has nothing to do with opera and everything to do with steam trains, but that's a *whole* other thread.) |
|
| |
beauxeault: Apparently the most common mistake from genuine non-native-English speakers is to say "unclear" rather than "nuclear", which leads to the study of "unclear physics" - an improvement over the original if you ask me. |
|
| |
centauri: Or whether they know what "per se" means for that matter. |
|
| |
Hey, I only just learned what "per se" means (which is why I avoid using it), but when people, especially those on radio or television, say "ec cetera" rather than "ET cetera," or if someone writes the abbreviation "ect." I could spit. I don't care if they don't know Latin, but it's just wrong to use phrases when you're just imitating and don't know what they mean. |
|
| |
"Febuary" drives me insane too. Would the radio personality who says "Febuary" also say "libary"? |
|
| |
centauri: I agree--It's not whether one knows where the word or phrase came from that bothers me so much as whether they know what it means and when to use it. (Indeed, I just learned what "proof is in the pudding" meant this morning after viewing mark_t post. Thanks, mark.) Most, however, simply imitate the context in which they heard the phrase without really knowing what it means. |
|
| |
waugsqueke: "eX-presso" instead of "eSpresso" is another gem. |
|
| |
waugsqueke: Well, I should hope so... |
|
| |
Why keep looking when you have found it? |
|
| |
Proof. Only mathemiticians proove things, everyone else demonstrates.
Prahaps.
What-everrr.
However, there is allways room for inuendo. |
|
| |
Oh dear! I say all this stuff. Er...help? |
|
| |
DrBob: I would be willing to bet that everyone offering up
these halfwitticisms has personally used one or more of
the offending phrases at some point(s). The key question
is, have you repented of your evil ways? |
|
| |
Potatostew: I certainly have used a lot of these phrases. See, it's one of those things that, when I first here a lame phrase, I think "Okay, that's dumb." Then, when the opportunity presents itself, I use the phrase sarcastically. Over time, however, the phrase works its way into my regular vocabulary and the line between sarcasm and actual intent blurs to the point that I don't even think to express myself properly and say something like "you hit the nail on the head"...and mean it. |
|
| |
Getting back onto the original topic (though "Febuary" and "libary" and "heighth" are certainly sure and instant indicators, and ones I would love to go on about a little more), have you ever had anyone tell you, "You have a very old soul"? Has anyone out there ever heard this and actually managed to control their grimmace--or vomit? Much more effective pick-up lines are the ones that at least have the decency to be blatantly idiotic, such as "My friend here and I (no, sorry, they'd be more likely to say "me," but let that pass)--my friend here and I were having a discussion. Is the plural 'octopusses' or 'octipi'?" I actually was the recipient of this one. Well, okay, it was when I was still in school and hadn't yet learned that one avoids the kind of places one might risk hearing such a thing. |
|
| |
And then I got a little older and learned that one hears much worse EVERYWHERE. |
|
| |
Dear PotatoStew,
Sadly not. In fact, my conversation has become so chogged (HA![See definition No.2 of half-witticism for explanation]) with half-witticisms that it's become increasingly difficult to make much sense of anything that I say to anyone. Now, what can I do you for? |
|
| |
Actually the phrase "what can I do you for" could be a legitimate question when asked by a hooker. |
|
| |
I think the people saying "do you for" are aware of the double entendre. The problem is that they're overusing an already well-worn joke. |
|
| |
Not so longer ago I heard someone described as "a minefield of information". |
|
| |
Just because they're cliche's, doesn't mean they're evidentiary of small intellects. I love cliches, if only for the irony, kitschiness, etc. The reason they are cliche is because they work, because they're cute, etc. |
|
| |
A lot of the things you bring up are either self-evidentiary (for instance, "Have a good one" definitely refers to day, and "Welcome aboard" is a metaphor likening an office to a ship), not idiotic, or just ordinary, neither of which makes them a sign of dimwittedness. I think you all owe the world an apology. |
|
| |
Oh, wait, I left out "You cynical bastards. You cynical cynical cynical 'I'm a product of gen-x look at me blah!' bastards." |
|
| |
You have a good point, ShoutingMatch; however, I think
there is a distinction here that is getting lost. I don't
think phrases like "welcome aboard" or "have a good one"
really fit under the proposed definition of halfwitticism
(even though they have been offered up here).
They aren't usually intended to be funny, instead they are
just innocuous greetings or sentiments, even if they are a
bit overused for some folks tastes. |
|
| |
But statements like "Working hard or hardly working" or
"What can I do you for" are usually said in an attempt to
be humorous. A true halfwitticism (by my reckoning) is
usually accompanied by a goofy grin and an implied "heh
heh... did you notice that clever play on words... wasn't
that witty?" that just doesn't hold up because of the
overuse that those phrases have endured. |
|
| |
Also, "welcome aboard" points back to a sense of community on ships, where every person has to some degree to depend on the others. If, say, I make partner in a law firm and my fate is truly entangled with that of the speaker, "welcome aboard" is appropriate. But more often than not, the ship metaphor (or the folksiness of all the ya's and grammatical errors) is used to gloss over the recipient's status as yet another expendable worker bee. "Outing" such empty phrases is far from cynical; to the contrary, those noticing their false tone hold speakers responsible for their words, a very moral stance. |
|
| |
These last three comments sum it up fairly well for me, but I would also like to add to the pogrom list, those people whose conversation is constructed entirely of Monty Python (or other favourite TV program) quotes. |
|
| |
The OED, 1st ed., says the plural of "octopus" is "octopodes", anglicized "octopuses". I think what's being pluralized in the original is the word for foot, not that for the cephalopod, so you probably shouldn't say "octopoda" even if you know that they're all female. Dang. |
|
| |
IIRC, "expresso" is a perfectly legitimate term for the pressure-produced coffee drink, having developed in Portugese from the word for 'fast' instead of in Italy from the word for 'pressure'. |
|
| |
"Thank goodness there are people like me who are clever enough to see through it all." Indeed! |
|
| |
Indeed, it's a bent brush that can paint its own handle. |
|
| |
must the half witticism be necessarily verbal? It bloody drives me up a wall to see someone with an icthus (IXOYE-fish) on their car that is *UPSIDE DOWN*!! If you're going to brazenly display such an emblem, at least have the decency to understand it's history and display it uprightly! bah! |
|
| |
Maybe the God Cod should come with directions...or a 'This Way to Heaven' arrow or something... |
|
| |
"Are you going to finish That".... and ..."I'll take that for ya" Deffinite Halfwit-ticisms.... |
|
| |
My realator says nucular. Let's try to level the playing field. |
|
| |
If you twist a Halfwit-ticism can it become a Half-Witticism? To wit: |
|
| |
"It's a dozen of one and six of another" or "It's six of one and half of three others" (I use this last version, people look at you oddly for a second and then go on talking) |
|
| |
"Yeah it's cold out but at least it's a damp cold" |
|
| |
"I may be dumb, but I'm stupid" |
|
| |
"It's a cold wind that blows nobody any warmth" |
|
| |
"Every cloud has a silver spoon" *nod wisely* |
|
| |
Dog Ed: I love that kind of thing, because if you use one and get a smile, it doesn't just mean that you've said somenthing funny. It also means that the other person is intelligent enough to understand the joke, and that they know you're intelligent enough to have said it as a joke rather than a faux pas. |
|
| |
Of course, I guess that line of reasoning would make G.W. Bush the most intelligent person on the planet, so there may be a problem with my logic. |
|
| |
My favourites are when people say these things but get the words wrong, thinking they are using the correct inane proverb, but in fact, are showing their stupidity.
My favorite would be 'He did it all off his own back' instead of ' 'he did it all off his own bat' (derived from the game of cricket, if you didn't know, as in he got fifty all off his own bat, as opposed to a fifty partnership. if any americans want circket explaining, then I'll have to start another half-bakery idea......)
On that note... |
|
| |
I came here to repent today. I hope my fellow B/2-ers will forgive me. I have committed half-witticism heresy. No one here in the office noticed (they all laughed -- the heathens). |
|
| |
A co-worker just walked by on his way out the door, proclaiming that he would be right back. Before I could stop myself, I found myself spewing that annoying half-witticism, "Thanks for the warning!" |
|
| |
Forgive me, half-bakery, for I have sinned. |
|
| |
I'm just glad nobody here uses the "u r kewl" internet slang. Pure crap. |
|
| |
If I may speak for the bakers at large, we forgive you, gt. Your honesty and recognition of your offense have spared you from the Ultimate Price. Your penance shall be ... oh, something marginally uncomfortable, but also vaguely amusing for us here. I don't know, come up with something. Maybe you should have to cut and paste all the meaningless annotations from the Slaughtered Cattle Blood Drink thread into the No More Pointless Bickering thread, where they belong. |
|
| |
i do not have anything to give that he can not offer |
|
| |
or from a different type, my least favorite trick question or whatver is
'how can you make 55 cents with 2 coins, but one is not a fifty cent piece'
'one is a nickel, the *second* one is a fifty cent piece'
|
|
| |
"Nukular" as opposed to Nuclear... GW Bush is good for this one... so was his Daddy. |
|
| |
And, if I'm not mistaken, so were Eisenhower and Jimmy
Carter. Plenty of
people, government officials and otherwise, are guilty of
this. |
|
| |
Jimmy Carter is only 98% as guilty as those who say "nucular," since his pronunciation is more like "nucaler." But he loses mega bonus points in my book because he supposedly has a degree or two in Nuclear Engineering, and should know better (as if the others shouldn't). |
|
| |
I like hooey! Who *kicks* cats?! I have a friend (although I'd never admit it anywhere but the internet) that thinks he actually came up with the lines: "cul8tr" and "'till the banana splits". I worry about this particular friend sometimes... I just hate it when people start a conversation with "Guess what!" |
|
| |
You've got to be careful with some of these comebacks though.
My father, while passing through airport security once, was asked if he had any arms. "Yup, two!" he replied glibly. Big mistake. It was some time before he got out of there. |
|
| |
Hey, ShoutingMatch
You write:
Just because they're cliche's, doesn't mean they're evidentiary of small intellects. |
|
| |
Well, I will do the apology -half-witted though it may be- when you learn the
"plural/possessive" rule that governs using apostrophes. You are evidently half-there if
you re-read the above. |
|
| |
realator? What's a realator? A guy that sells realality? Perhaps you mean realtor? |
|
| |
"Can I ask you a question?" |
|
| |
How about the mis-use of "literally" - as in "I literally died." One of my friends uses this occasionally, but she seems to be still here. |
|
| |
from what mark_t said that should mean that most Americans should be wandering around using 'unclear' in the place of 'nuclear'. Unless of course he counts Americans as native Englishmen/women. |
|
| |
Let's go round the horn.
Bring this ship into harbor.
Put this puppy to sleep.
Thank god it's Friday.
I value your input.
What's good cooking?
He's out to pasture.
Let me know if I'm going too fast. |
|
| |
It seems that this Halfwitticism discussion has degenerated into a forum for people to air their grievances about others' stupidity and poor grasp of the English language. Well, here's one more grievance for you: I thought this site was for half-baked ideas, not new words and their definitions along with vaguely related grievances. There's a whole other site for that: urbandictionary.com |
|
| |
Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. |
|
| |
Or at least it used to. Linky. |
|
| |
Quote from the help file on removing ideas: |
|
| |
word invention - the idea suggests a new term for something previously indescribable. These are collected at pseudodictionary.com and similar sites, and should be posted there. |
|
| |
Blum, the bakery is dynamic. It has grown and changed and redefined itself over time. We all adjusted, and we all know the old ideas that would have been choked to death, in the present day bakery. But why would you want to remove, what for some of us, are fond memories of bakers of the past, and the actual sense of community we used to have? |
|
| |
That is completely resonable, and from what I gather of the site, is what I'd have guessed. |
|
| |
I guess the question I have then, is: Why the changes? |
|
| |
Why is the sky blue? Where does the wind come from? Evolution v...Get my drift? |
|
| |
I imagine the changes in the site are responses to a change in circumstances. I should think that an official line on new word definitions was put in place in response to a rash of "I've thought of a new word" postings. Used this way, changes help keep the Halfbakery as the Halfbakery and stop it turning into pseudodictionary or worse. |
|
| |
[bliss] - was it really so much better in the old days, or are you just feeling the lack of sunlight? |
|
| |