h a l f b a k e r yAlmost as great as sliced bread.
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// who wants to travel in a block of flats on the back of an oil tanker // |
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Apart from very rich, stupid Americans, or very stupid, rich Americans, or both ? |
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Is it possible that, in an infnite universe, there are Americans that aren't stupid ? (Form into groups of four and discuss your methodology and conclusions. Take notes. You may be asked questions later). |
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//who wants to travel in a block of flats on the back
of an oil tanker // |
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I did try that once. The ship was very nice, with
several bars, swimming pool, decent restaurants. It
seemed like a bargain when I booked it, but then
when I turned up, to my horror, I found that they
were letting _other people_ on board as well. I
mean, really. |
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Some of them didn't even have titles tracing back to William I. It's SO hard to get good staff these days. |
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Fair's fair, but after all you'd promised, letting the Intercalary loose with the grape-peeler was a trifle irresponsible. You were just lucky you were in international waters, and there were plenty of sharks to deal with the ... surplus tissue. |
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I am considering taking up the matter with Rob
Brydon, who represented the company on
television
advertisements. I suppose the fact that he's Welsh
should have been enough warning. |
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Incidentally, the trifle was incidental to the
matter.
And, incidentally, speaking of incidental, we tend
not
to capitalize "intercalary", except in legal
proceedings. |
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p.s. Sturton sends his regards and the bill. |
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//stupid Americans, or very stupid, rich Americans// I
have to say, that I know a few smart Americans, but the
vast majority of them are significantly beyond stupidity.
Not to worry. The Chinese are the new world leaders in
every department. |
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I think the size ratio was 12 to 1; Gulliver was 12 times as
tall as the Lilliputians, and 1/12 the size of the
Brobdingnagians. Your proposed cruise ship would be too
small to be accurate, in terms of the number of people it
could transport. |
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It will be huge. It only needs look like Gulliver. Did I
mention that it gets a hard on when coming into port? |
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So make it 864 feet long. That should be big enough. |
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// Sturton sends his regards and the bill. // |
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Is that all ? We would be gratified if you would be so good as to bestow upon him a right ding alongside the lughole, and enquire as to the whereabouts of the rest of the platypus. We assume it has met the fate of all the previous ones. |
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A genuine Australian barbecue set was a somewhat ill-chosen birthday gift for one so literal-minded, prone to culinary eccentricity, implacably determined and - not to put too fine a point on it - criminally insane. |
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Don't worry, you won't be receiving another. |
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We don't want another. We didn't want the first one. The whole idea of "exotic tapas" was fundamentally flawed from the outset, and just spiralled into a fashion-victim cult of me-too one-upmanship, ostentatious spending, indigestion, and obscure internal parasites. |
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One notes that the nationality of the Costa Concordia passenger and crew log included 989 Italians, 37 British, 565 Germans, 126 Americans, 108 Russians, etc. |
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One also notes that the population of the US is approximately 5 times that of Great Britain. |
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The proportional math here is pretty obvious, at least if you aren't British. |
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//We assume it has met the fate of all the
previous
ones.// Au con very traire. I have it on good
authority that Sturton and the intercalary have
met
with some success in their scheme to find an
ecologically sound alternative to powdered rhino
horn. They are, even now, securing their supply
chain. It is, of course, regrettable that the
platypus
has such a small beak, but this cannot be helped. |
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Incidentally, Sturton wants to know if you've
finished with his Max Bygraves LP. Also, he politely
requests that you don't use it for scratching - his
Des O'Connor Greatest Hits was never quite the
same. |
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// finished with his Max Bygraves LP. // |
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// don't use it for scratching - // |
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Oh, OK. Back to the waterboarding and electric shocks, then. |
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// his Des O'Connor Greatest Hits was never quite the same. // |
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You say that like it's somehow a bad thing ... |
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Yes, well, _you_ weren't the one sent out in the
pouring rain to get a bottle of Bazzle Vinyl-Friendly
Dead Worm Remover. |
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Neither were you, for that matter. You sent the second under-footman to get it. You even charged him for the rental on the umbrella and wellington boots. |
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Since he isn't paid, cutting down his rations to reclame the notional cost was a trifle harsh, even by you family's standards. |
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We presume that, as usual, you never reported his death and just had him buried in the far end of the acorn orchard, with all the others ? It must be getting fairly full up there by now. |
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I'll have you know that the staff on all the Buchanan
estates are the envy of their colleagues. Aside from
generous paid leave and private health insurance,
they receive danger money, and have free use of the
north-north-east billiards room. |
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You may be thinking of Sturton's staff, who are under
his direct control and are supplied by an agency that
understands his unusual requirements. |
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You have intentionally misunderhended my comment. |
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