Goofy Ball Sports Leagues

Sporting events, by and large, tend to be utterly dreary, predictable affairs: Two teams gather on a playing field, move some sort of ball-like object about the field according to the rules of the particular game being played, and the statistically better team is usually, but not always, declared to be the victor. Dull, dull, dull. Where's the human drama? The existentialist pathos? Or, barring that, the wacky pratfalls?

Well, we can do something about that last one at least, and it requires no major alterations to the rules of the games we all know and, presumably, love. Simply modify the ball in some way such that it behaves unpredictably, but is still theoretically usable for play. Baseballs could contain a motorized gyroscope. Basketballs could be weighted heavily towards one side. Hockey pucks could be a flat ovoid. Footballs (the American kind) could be partially filled with liquid. Soccer balls could be irregular dodecahedrons. Tennis balls could have two sides with differing elasticity.

With this one small modification, sports as we know it would be dramatically different, and far more complex. It would no longer be sufficient for athletes to train to a limited set of predictable situations. The champions in this league would be players and teams that not only exhibit athletic prowess, but are capable of thinking on their toes and adapting their strategies to a highly dynamic game.

At the very least, it would be hysterical to watch.