h a l f b a k e r yNo, not that kind of baked.
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Full-Body Ventilation Coveralls
An improvement on my crotch ventilator slacks - intended to correct flaws of earlier device and address undesirable bodily odiferousness en masse | |
All the commentary has revealed a fatal flaw in the "revision 1" version of my crotchular stenchification amelioration apparatus (the aforementioned crotch ventilator slacks). These proved to be more of a stink-transfer mechanism (upstream-foot to crotch and crotch to downstream-foot) than a stench elimination
system. Methinks we don't want althetes' foot genitals and tuna-flavored toenails. Hence, back to the drawing board.
In this, updated and improved design, the slacks have now been replaced with a full-body jumpsuit. The suit is loose-fitting on the body (except for maybe the Prada or Christine d'Or, Parisan versions). The ventilation fan has been moved to the collar region, where it now takes the form of a turbine fan, which revolves around the wearer's neck. The ring of the turbine opens into two parts to permit ingress and egress. The fan could be chrome or gold plated (for those going for the pimp look) or even carbon fiber (for the boy-racers). In use, this fan would exhaust funked-up air up and out of the suit. Fresh air would be drawn in via the cuffs of the sleeves and legs. In order to prevent the suit from collapsing due to negative pressure (or when one sits), the body of the jumpsuit would consist of duct material separated at regular intervals by rigid hoop rings. The wearer would thus look like a more modern and chic Michelin Man.
This design would not only waft foot stench and crotch funk away from one's nether regions. It would do the same for one's armpits. Fart gases would also be quickly eliminated. Fair warning though - in this case the wearer would suffer the consequences of liberal outgassing full-force! An advantage though: with the constant wafting of exhaust air past one's nostrils, monitoring of one's hygiene would be an easy affair.
If this were too much, the fan could be located under some kind of chrome hood scoop at the nape of the neck; thus, safely exhausting behind one's person (to the pleasure of those behind you in any form of public transportation).
[link]
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Yeah, spell right even if you can't smell right. |
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I quite like your writing style. Then again maybe I'm just swayed by liberal use of the word funk. |
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Joe Bob, do you have issues? |
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I swear these concepts aren't stemming from any personal, odor problems. Just trying to make the world a better place. |
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BTW, I deleted someone's comment, I think. Not on purpose, mind you. I saw the [delete] under the comments and thought maybe they were comments to delete (the invention). I clicked on the [delete] and (surprise, surprise), there were only three comments remaining instead of the original four. I'm actually surprised that I've been given this kind of power - it's all a little much for me. |
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