h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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Fidosaurus is the brand name given to a range of dog-
biscuits. This name was chosen because when your dog is
eating one of these new biscuits, the effect is visually
similar to that of a large hairy dinosaur sized beast
chewing on an unfortunate small human victim.
This is due to the Fidosaurus
biscuit range taking the
form of a series of miniature human figures in various
'normal everyday" poses, such as: walking in the rain
with an umbrella; sitting on a bench reading a
newspaper; standing in a queue with hands in pockets.
Supplementing the 'normal range' is the 'terror range'
featuring figures in various attitudes of total panic.
The biscuits are quite detailed but not flimsy, meaning
that most dogs will need to chew, crunch and gnaw on
them (loudly) over time, perhaps abandoning them half
eaten for future consumption, or even burial.
When your dog begins eating, you can now film or
photograph it as the resulting horror reveals itself, of a
monstrous dog chewing on a miniature person who only a
few
minutes earlier was quietly reading their paper.
Submarine Shaped Cephalopod Treats
Submarine_20shaped_20cephalopod_20treats
Prior Art [8th of 7, May 01 2019]
Mr Tinkles?
https://www.youtube...watch?v=vAd0QlUaIBY
Cats & Dogs [Skewed, May 01 2019]
Oh no it's not..
https://www.notonth...EAYYAiABEgIYY_D_BwE
Personalised Dog Treats [Skewed, May 05 2019]
[link]
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Will it be possible to order biscuits that specifically resemble individuals, for example [MaxwellBuchanan] ? In a small size, suitable for, say, Shih Tzu ? |
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If so, we'll have four dozen boxes, express delivery. |
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Yes. We can also supply that model in "obscure
Eastern God variety" with extra limbs and other
bits for prolonged chewing off action. |
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The idea specifies dog biscuits, not rat biscuits |
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"CUSTOMER ADVICE: THESE BISCUITS CAN CAUSE SMALL DOGS
TO CHOKE. HOWEVER, THIS IS NOT GUARANTEED" |
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Come here TO-CHOKE... here boy! Who's a good boy? TO-CHOKE is a good boy! |
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Somehow, a typo in ALL CAPS is even more embarrassing. |
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We'll have the same quantity of [pocmloc]-shaped ones too. |
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And the [MB] batch ... we'd prefer them without the sour, bitter taint of the original. |
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What makes you assume that you're immune to becoming dog food? In your case the idea would naturally take the form of a crunchy cat treat. |
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Oh, we already manufacture our own Borg-cube shaped cat treats ... crisp on the outside with a melt-in-the-mouth Nitrogen Tri-iodide centre. |
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Although more of a CRUMP than a crunch ... obviously if you're close, the shock wave is too loud to be perceived as sound. |
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It might end up training dogs to bite small children [+]. |
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"mini people dog-biscuits" |
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This is really an evil plan by the cats to subliminally condition
dogs
to consider people food to drive a wedge between us so they
can supplant them as mans best friend & take
over the world isn't it? |
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I think it will not train dogs to bite anyone, because most dogs can tell the difference between a human and something that looks like a human to humans but not to dogs [+]. |
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These dog biscuits should have slightly softer,
red-coloured interior for maximum effect. Also, I'm trying to think of the right additive which would generate smoke or steam when being chewed to give the right kind of fire-breathing Godzilla effect. |
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// an evil plan by the cats // |
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Tautology; implies the possibility of a plan by the cats that is not pure evil. |
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//the right additive which would generate smoke or steam
when being chewed to give the right kind of fire-breathing
Godzilla effect.// |
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If the outer shell were oil-based, you could go for a metallic
potassium filling. |
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//you could go for a metallic potassium filling// - in fact I was thinking of non-fatal solutions, but this could work too... |
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I'm happy enough with basic sound effects and
visuals. The efforts to introduce pyrotechnics are
welcome, but would probably cause any dog to
drop his crunchy biscuit and be very wary of them
in future. |
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Some Numbers (WolframAlpha) |
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6100kg T-Rex, 62kg Human gives human being 0.01 of a T-Rex |
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large dog 70kg gives 0.7 = a 700g barbie or ken biscuit. |
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Shih Tzu average 5.67kg gives a 56 g [Max] special effect biscuity effigy. |
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Average human biscuit 49g
Average dog biscuit 0.139935 kg = 140g |
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Those last two values seem high, unless there's some misunderstanding. |
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A quick practical check has McVities Plain Chocolate Digestives at about 12g each, and individual dog biscuits such as Shapes and Gravy Bones in the 5 to 10g range. Bonios are bigger and heavier, but still nowhere near 140g. |
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Wolfram calculated one biscuit serving size as 49g. Wikipedia gave the largest dog biscuit at 279.87 kg 2000x the average. |
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Your right though, a quick look in a cupboard, that doesn't have Cookietime cookies, shows the numbers for human biscuits are a bit high.
Don't know the range of dog biscuits. |
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You're forgetting that dogs range in size from tiny
Chihuahuas to Neapolitan mastiffs. That which
looks impressive in a small dog's mouth would be
swallowed hole by a bigger breed, so the
Fidosuraus range naturally comes as Small, Medium
and Large humans. |
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Realism detail, and packaged effects are controlled by scale. The small ones are going to be expensive. |
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With 3D printing, maybe not. |
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Larger effigies will require more material and take longer to print; thus if the biscuits are truly bespoke likenesses, individually generated, unit cost will be directly proportional to size, for small batches. |
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If you 3D print a multi-use mould, maybe not so much. |
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The HalfBakery: The only place in the known Universe where the economics of customised dog-biscuit manufacture are the subject of serious discussion ... |
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//The only place in the known Universe where the economics
of customised dog-biscuit manufacture are the subject of
serious discussion// |
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Customised treats, yes; but a discussion of the economics thereof ? We think not. |
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//a discussion of the economics thereof ? We think not// |
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There is a company that sells customized dog treats > they're
still in business > so presumably they do things like basic
costing, overheads & pricing analysis > ergo there was indeed
a discussion of the economics thereof even if only as basic as
"so, what are we going to sell these for?" |
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Then there's the gag response, acceptance then boredom and how fast the product use pictures spread affecting projected sale figures. |
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