h a l f b a k e r yBaker Street Irregulars
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It has been noted that those who use prosthetic lower limbs have a certain advantage when it comes to, for example, queueing. More often than not, a pained expression and constant shifting of weight onto a walking stick will be enough to make many gatekeepers - however seemingly fearsome - so uneasy
at the obvious presence of disability to allow a little delicate queue-jumping to occur; and even better, other able-bodied queuers raise no objection to such proceedings.
Thus BorgCo have designed and manufactured a superbly engineered fake artificial leg. This rigid casing clips neatly and comfortably over a real, normal functional leg, and is cunningly coloured and textured to look not quite lifelike, with a prominent metal "hinge" at the ankle.
Use of a small, soft plastic block inside the heel of the corresponding shoe produces a convincing slight limp and awkwardness when walking, adding to the authenticity of the appearance.
If the "leg" is tapped with the optional complementary walking stick (available for a modest extra charge) a distinctive hollow, knocking sound is emitted - by the stick. But it sounds like it comes from the leg, of course.
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For you, is there a head to go with it? One that
contains an actual brain instead a sponge that's
been dipped in a bowl of bat guano would be
useful. [+] For the idea that the bat we sent
probably wrote for you. |
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Cheaper option: just remove your leg. No on-going
maintenance, lighter and easier to transport (the non-
existent leg, that is; the rest of the person, not so much...). |
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// a special place in Hell reserved for people who fake a disability for pity’s sake. // |
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Quite right, that's contemptible, despicable and disgusting. |
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What about the ones who do it from simple selfishness, laziness and arrogance, though ? That's all right, shirley ? |
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Further modification I just thought of: once the artificial
artificial leg is clamped on tight, it doesn't come off. Ever. |
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We are familiar with "Jake the Peg", but our speciality is Barbershop ... as you would expect, we're superb at close-harmony singing ... |
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// they’re queued up for your tour of Gettysburg. // |
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They don't exactly have a choice; the shackles and chains keep them in line quite nicely. We won't make that mistake again, after the last lot ran away ... |
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<Massive Collective throat-clearing/> |
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"Earplugs ... earplugs ... only fifty dollars a pair ... earplugs ... cotton wool ... get your earplugs here ... last chance to buy ... earplugs ..." |
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Your insomnia is not our problem, [kdf] |
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