h a l f b a k e r yIt might be better to just get another gerbil.
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These gold or silver, finger-fringed, shoulder boards with built-in motors and batteries are operated with a pocket remote. When feeling down, lonely or unappreciated just activate the epaulets for a shoulder squeeze, a cuddle or a pat on the back. You'll look good and feel great as you stride through
the city or sit in traffic with an ersatz arm around your shoulder.
These are also the perfect uniform articles at the work place. With its proximity, directional antenna, the remote can relay hands-free sympathy or praise to other epaulet-bedecked colleagues.
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..or other suitable gestures. |
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I'm sure this would find a ready market with Goths - your very own pet Thing to sit on your shoulder. |
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I'd go for one, especially if it could give surreptitious male-bonding shoulder massages at stressful moments. |
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You could sell a version of this to baseball players who want to scratch and catch simultaneously. |
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'Those friendly pats on the back in reality only shove us back down; the hands that hold us also tether us.'
- from the Insurrectionists' Little Book of Heart-Hardening. |
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