It would appear that many male half
bakers have problem peeing in the right
direction. Why this should be, I don't
know. I don't want to boast, but I do
pride
myself on being able to hit an 18-inch
wide bowl or urinal from a distance of 18
inches. After all, you can afford to be out
by about 0.6 radians in any direction.
However, for those who have problems, I
offer the Electrospray Urinal. It comes in
two parts.
The first part is a discreet metal plate, on
which the urinator stands. Rubber
footwear should be removed at this
point.
The plate is connected to a van der
Giraffe
generator (which, optionally, can be
activated by a pressure sensor beneath
the
pad), charging the superincumbent
person
up to several kilovolts (either polarity is
fine).
The second part is the bowl or urinal,
which has a metal liner. The liner is
charged with the opposite polarity to the
metal plate.
To use, just unzip, point your penis
anywhere in the general direction of the
bowl or urinal, and wait.
The electrospray technique is used in
mass spectroscopy and other
applications.
It relies on the fact that a highly-charged
liquid (eg urine) wants to get away from
itself very badly. At a sufficiently high
voltage, it will spontaneously flow out of
the end of a nozzle (eg a penis), in a jet
of
almost exquisitely small droplets. No
effort
is required on your part. These droplets
fan out (to escape one another, being
highly and similarly charged), and
spontaneously split into a succession of
ever smaller droplets as they go.
The key, of course, is to have the bowl or
urinal at the opposite polarity. The fan
of
droplets emerging from the urinator will
curve inwards, making a beeline
(technically, a peeline) for the
metal liner of the receptacle.
There is one important point to note.
Athough it doesn't matter which way
round the plate and receptacle are wired
(ie, positive to negative, or vice versa), it
is
extremely important that all Electrospray
Urinals in a multi-urinal setting are wired
with the same polarity. If they are not,
on
no account cross the streams.