The Rt. Hon. Member of this Place, [hippo], requested //photorealistic mud splatters, with the right kind of spray patterns from each wheel up the side of the vehicle, and wouldn’t need to be redone every time you wash your car//
Proposed is an empty site, such as are used for temporary car parks.
The
site is flooded with lumpy brown paint to the depth of perhaps 1cm.
You first of all pay the £500 fee, and sign the total liability waiver. Then you drive your big shiney Chelsea Tractor or Taliban Truck up to the site. First of all, our eager employees wash and rinse your self-propelling sofa in the usual car-wash style, to make it clean. The rinse is important to totally de-gease and de-wax the surface.
Then, clear plastic films are applied to all the glass (or at least all of the glass that is legally required to be unobstructed in the jurisdiction).
Then one of the employees drives the car fairly fast around the brown-paint covered site, turning, skidding, wheel-spinning and braking hard.
Finally, the now brown-splattered vehicle is parked near the exit to allow the brown paint to harden and cure, perhaps half an hour. Meanwhile the plastic sheets are carefully removed from the glass, and are washed ready for the next use.
Special offer: for an extra £500 you can drive the car yourself around the site.
Extra special offer: For a further £500 per go, you can also drive other customers' cars around the site, taking the place of one of our employees, who will sit in the passenger seat and offer advice about how to get the best coverage. If you wish not to have them in the car with you, that is also possible on payment of a further £500.
Custom offer: Pay £5,000 to specify one of our professional rally stars drive your car around the site. For £1000 extra, have them photographed sitting in your car at the end of the run. £1000 extra to have the photo signed by them. (subject to availability)
Prices for illustrative purposes only, may be more expensive on the day.