h a l f b a k e r ycarpe demi
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Long haul air travel is tedious in the extreme. The means available to the passengers for ameliorating said tedium are limited and marginally effective (the flight crew have numerous opportunities for entertainment, generally at the expense of the passenger's nerves. Strolling down an aisle with a fixed,
unconvincing grin, and then peering at one of the engines through binoculars is always good for a few damp seat squabs on landing).
The proposal is to re-arrange aircraft interiors to allow full-length plays to be presented to passengers in the premium seats. Meals could be served in the interval.
Something large like a C5-A or an Antonov might give the greatest scope for innovation.
That is all.
Modern_20Low_20Speed_20Airliner
[FlyingToaster, Aug 30 2016]
Your falcon can travel with you. It really can.
http://www.emirates...elling-with-animals
[MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 01 2016]
[link]
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//Something large like a C-5A or Antonov// Blended-wing body : plenty of internal room. |
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There could be whodunnits with some passengers pegged to play different parts in the classic airline tropes. |
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- Spot The Terrorist
- Take Me To Cuba
- Aliens Among Us
- Chicken or Beef ? |
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Budget airlines can climb onboard with flight staff airing their dirty laundry, imaginary or real, over the intercom. |
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If you have taken a flight in the past 5 years, 8th, you may have noticed many screens in the back of seats. Those can show you entertainment! |
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That prank-loving flight crew will show you how to work it. Believe them when they tell you that all you can watch are weepy dramas about people and their feelings and their feelings getting hurt, making them weep. |
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Or you can play chess against the pilot using that machine. You might want to let him win, especially if it is nearing time to land. |
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// If you have taken a flight in the past 5 years, 8th, // |
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We have not travelled on a civil airliner for over 20 years, nor would we ever, ever do so again. |
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We have, however, taken many flights, most of which were highly enjoyable, and those that were not enjoyable were educational. |
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//many screens in the back of seats. Those can show you entertainment! |
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Damned if I can find the entertainment...latest crap Hollywood blockbuster, the grossly out of proportion airplane shape crawling along the great circle..can't even get to nose of under the looking down cameras these days.. |
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<end tirade> <no relation to Band Aid> |
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I advise against Macbeth. |
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'Is this a box cutter which I see before me?' |
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I know I'm the only person in the whole wide world, but I
thoroughly enjoy, and read cover to cover, the travel
magazine they place in the pouch, with your safety
instructions. It always has incredible photos of beautiful,
exotic places, and great descriptions. I get at the very least a
good hour or two of sheer enjoyment. |
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As for the in-flight plays, well the turbulence might provide
for some very funny slapstick like entertainment. Maybe it
would bring that genre back to being popular. |
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I have just been looking at business class flights on
various airlines. |
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It turns out that, on Emirates flights between
Dubai and Pakistan, you are allowed to take
falcons. Not in the hold; not in special falcon
crates; actually sitting on your goddamned wrist. I
shit you not. How spiffy is that?? |
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This, of course, would make an excellent premise
for the blockbuster "Sheikhs on a Plane." |
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[MB], do you want a last cigarette before the firing squad carry out the execution ? Decide fast, they're very eager ... |
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Certainly. Would you be so kind as to bring my
cigarette case? It's the Kevlar one in my smoking
jacket pocket, about 6ft x 3ft. |
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Well, there's always Passenger 57, which I used to watch before every flight. Ahh, the foolhardiness of yoof. |
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// the Kevlar one in my smoking jacket pocket // |
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The normal riposte to that would be "Cheats never prosper", but given that your entire ancestry is a squalid catalogue of dubious, unprincipled chicanery, double-dealing and downright treason right back to the First Earl flogging all those "Genuine
Norman Arrow-Proof Helmets" (made of "Special lightweight steel", a material oddly indistinguishable from papier-maché, painted silver) to Harold Godwinson in Spring 1066, it somehow seems inappropriate. |
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//your entire ancestry is a squalid catalogue// |
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I am shocked and saddened. Great Aunt Artemisia -
who has devoted a long life - even in old age - to
helping support the struggling foie farmers of rural
France - would be heartbroken if he read what you
wrote. I'd watch those kneecaps of yours, [8th]. |
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// would be heartbroken if he read what you wrote // |
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That would be more than a little hypocritical, coming from someone who can never again visit the Vatican City after being sentenced to death in absentia. You shouldn't reproach yourself, your very clear and sensible warnings went unheeded; everyone knows that Cardinals have no sense of humour. There's a time and a place for everything, and that wasn't it. |
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Then again, filling all those condoms with helium was quite an achievement ... |
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Doing it while His Eminence was wearing them was
the difficult bit. |
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It was not, however, a moment of success appropriate for immortalization by a "selfie". |
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Too right. I did try to tell him. |
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