Docterminator: A Serious Shredder

Destroying documents, safely and securely, is big business. This is because doing it properly is more difficult than it sounds, especially now that we store them all on computer storage media, as well as paper.

The new UBCo Docterminator is what you really want.

A puddle of rhenium, encased in a tantalum hafnium carbide retort and kept just above melting point can be installed in a well-insulated cubicle in your office, for a fee of course. Yes, there will be an ongoing cost to run the electric arc furnace we'll have to install with it.

Then, when you want to "lose" a document; Destroy that unfortunate Xmas party photocopy of your buttocks; Trash an entire file on your former workmate who's now your manager; Wipe a hard drive from the face of the earth or just reheat your cold coffee in less than a second, the Docterminator is for you.

It won't be back. Honest.