h a l f b a k e r yRight twice a day.
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Two large, sweaty hillocks of pasty "flesh", liberally
covered in
sparse, curly hair, on either side of a damp, smelly
canyon
into which documents are fed, just above the straining
"waistband".
The humidity level in the canyon quickly renders any
proffered
document to paper pulp.
Before
it beaks down there is no-one willing to risk life
and
limb by reaching into the crack, to recover any still-
whole
documents.
Tip to [hippo] for inspiration. Sorry I started the
"shredder
movement".
[link]
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Perhaps leaf weevils would be a better answer.
From 1918 to 1926, Emerson Palmate Chorister
meticulously catalogued over 7,500 species of
beetle in Langkawi, including detailed drawings
made with the aid of a field microscope (and a
pencil, obviously). |
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He was well aware of the risks to paper posed by
moulds (which thrive there), and therefore had a
special cabinet constructed for his drawings,
within which the humidity was kept low using
potassium nitrate. |
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Two unfortunate events then happened. The first
was that, during one of his extended field trips,
his cabinet was occupied by leaf weevils, who ate
every last one of his drawings to build their nests.
That particular species of leaf weevil was rare,
being
a remnant species from times when the climate
was drier. |
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The second was that Chorister burned the cabinet
and the leaf weevils. No sightings of that species
were made in the subsequent 50 years, despite
extensive entomological surveys, and the species
was declared formally extinct in 1977. |
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There's a certain symmetry to that story, [Max]. |
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However, I can't for the life of me imagine why you'd
want to put leaf weevils in your butt cleavage. |
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It is, though, a good thing the "drier" weevils are all
extinct as they would struggle in the sweaty environs
of a plumber's crack, I imagine. |
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Don't worry [Ubie]. The weevils wobble but they don't fall
down. |
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Presumably you're volunteering to be the beta-test unit, [UB] ? |
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If you're going to stick [ubie] down a plumber's crack,
please take photos. |
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We would, but we lack the necessary special equipment. However, if you'd like to send a donation, call the number on your screen toll-free .... |
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Borg phones don't have cameras? Who knew? |
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It's so they don't accidentally photograph themselves
and see how stupid they look. You never see the
Borg looking at mirrors, for the same reason. |
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I saw someone drop a coin, heated over a candle,
down a plumber's crack one day. It was at a bar
where I met with some people one Friday afternoon. |
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I had no idea plumbers could move so quickly, nor
how high they were able to jump. |
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As any good borg will tell you looks are illrelavant |
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I always thought the Borg looked a bit pasty and
unwell. |
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//Perhaps leaf weevils would be a better answer// [Max] Oh what a tangled tale we weevil once we practice to deceivel. |
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I have that story on the authority of the intercalary
twin, who spent several weeks drinking with
Chorister's former Ph.D. student. |
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I'm sure I've seen one of those weevils mounted on a strand of micro fuse wire at The Museum of Jurassic Technology - let me open your mind to its joyful wonders http://www.mjt.org/ If you ever felt like collaborating on a similar institution let me know. I have enough material to fill a digital warehouse. |
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