Do It Your Elf

The chain of humble, HB DIYE shops stocks a myriad of how-to books and kits for the home hobbyist. Perusing just one shelf yields the following finds:

"Disco Compact" is a small book that explains step-by-step how to transform your compact mirror into a pop-up disco ball and replace the powder with instant scene smoke, for proper dancing queen surroundings.

"The Fur Ball Kit" includes a 1 kilo bag of sanitized, cat, hair balls and meticulous instructions for making attractive ear muffs, fur boas and steering wheel covers.

A "Keep It Clean", sex pamphlet contains, among other tips, help in constructing a handy condom-towellette combo, including zip-loc contraceptive closure.

The thick, money-saving, recipe book "Nuts R U" is filled with instructions for delicious, fruit nut meals, just waiting to be prepared from the ground leftovers of plums, peaches, apples and grapes.

A large kit includes lumber, springs, spray paint, nuts and bolts for easy home assembly of your own pogo stick crucifix or a day-glo cross of David for grave embellishment.

Finally there's a book called "Half-Patented Medicine" that explains the intricacies of making your own placeboes, such as how to carve pills from sugar cubes (lumps). Other chapters cover fashioning bogus suppositories and pseudo-nicotine patches.

The halfbakery shops hold uniformly low prices by managing without staff that would perform such tasks as ordering, pricing and sales. The customers do it them elves.