h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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Prologue...
No one can deny the outrageous cost of owning a pet nowadays. Even on the strictest budget, a small dog can cost its owner tens of dollars (US) a month just for feeding - and that is not including vet bills, fuzzy lil' squeeky cute toys, pee-and-feces-from-your-carpet removal products, and
flea-and-tick sprays. Owning a modern pet is an expensive undertaking, but for us, it creates an opportunity.
Introducing Disposable Pets...
Why not create a line of disposable pets? These animals would be specificly bred in mass quantities for the sole intent of being 'tossed in the bin' when they lose their cuteness or become hungry. Sure, this has been done with hamsters and sea monkeys, but let's think big.
We could start with puppies. With the breakthroughs in genetics, scientists could breed (or they could let other dogs do it) an entire line of puppies that look and act just like the next one.
Picture this...
A shopper would go to a pet store and grab a dog out of a pile of poodles, or a bin of boxers, or a crate of cockers - whatever the shopper was in the mood for that week. There would be no need to buy food or worry with shots or collars. If the dog's ribs start to show, don't throw him some scraps. Throw him in the waste basket. If he
gets worms, don't take him to the vet. Take him to the dump. If he runs away, who cares? There are a thousand that look just like him back at the pet store.
The idea could be carried over to cats, fish, iguanas, horses, and whatever else the average family has running around the house. It would be perfect because pets are a renewable resource, like trees and children, and we would never run out of a supply.
Unwanted Dog Postboxes in Japan
http://www.times-ar...timfgnfar01001.html
Copied from the Companion Dispenser thread. [jutta, Jul 12 2000]
Companion Dispenser
http://www.halfbake...mpanion_20dispenser
The other disposable pet thread. [jutta, Jul 12 2000]
this is much simpler and cheaper, and you can do it at home
http://www.bonsaikitten.com/
Bonsai kittens don't take up much space [normzone, Oct 04 2004]
[link]
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Why engineer one? If you are cruel-hearted enough to be able to throw away a 'disposable pet' why not just throw away a real one. Just drive around until you see a dog you like, take it home, and when it's not cute anymore or if it whines or is hungry, just let it go. Or toss it off a bridge. This idea is mean-spirited =( |
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"...perfect because pets are a renewable resource, like trees and children"... so are you going to suggest that children be next? I agree with egnor. |
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Why not make these disposable pets biodegradable so they fall apart completely after a certain time as well. That way your disposable pet won't clog up landfills. It might be a little disconcerting to shake Fido's paw and have it come off in your hand, but you'll get used to it..... |
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(Jeez- I hope everyone who reads the above doesn't take it *seriously*.) |
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You could sell the Critter to a Korean or Filipino Restaurant after you're bored or broke. Hey, they'll get it for free if you don't sell it. You know, some folks spend so much money at vets offices when what they could do is buy a decent gun, a box of shells, send Fido off to the Happy Hunting Grounds and a new 'pet' and still have enough dough left over to buy a riding mower and lose badly gambling. |
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You guys are dumb. You sound like these girls in my AP English class that thought Swift actually meant we should eat babies after reading "A Modest Proposal". And monkfish is right it is a SATIRE, which for you common folk means "sarcasm with a point". Sometimes we need to think before we speak eh? |
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I reccomend the same action to you. Newbies calling people dumb...Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot. |
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I have taken a moment to sort out the deeper currents of this highly nuanced discussion -- we have djhotsauce's satirical reaction to my clumsy satirical attack (now deleted) on sledgehammer satire; and StarChaser's broad, ironic comment on the medium in which we collectively ape the patterns of social intercourse, which leads its thoughtful readers to contemplate their projections here as mockeries of their utterly private inner existences, themselves bleak, grotesque parodies of an unknowable fundamental reality.
<Strokes chin reflectively>| — | Monkfish,
Nov 18 2000, last modified Nov 19 2000 |
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Nothing broad or ironic about my comment, I just think he's an idiot. |
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hahaha This is coming from a guy who puts up a picture of a wolf in space and says it is his picture... hahaha You've only been here a month star-chaser, think you aren't a newbie? Now who's calling the kettle black? I've been here before i just never felt the need to post. |
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Alas, djhotsauce, here you betray your mere three days of registered Halfbaking. StarChaser's "space critter" picture is an in-joke from the "Use Real Names" discussion, back before your time. |
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Also, since by my count StarChaser has only four days to go before his thirteen-month Halfbakery anniversary, you also betray no small degree of innumeracy. |
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Albeit occassional, my e-mail history shows StarChaser has been around longer than it takes to grow a batch of peppers, age it in a vinegar/ water/ salt/ natural flavorings/ xanthan gum solution, bottle it, sell it, empty contents into a kettle of babies and repeat as necessary, if I may so modestly propose.
Sometimes we need to think before we speah, eh? |
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ah.. misread the date on that one... speaking of registered halfbaking.. i need to go get half baked. maybe that's why i feel like a retard now... but still... just because i'm new to posting doesn't mean i can't be annoyed by people who would take this idea seriously. if you aren't smart enough to get satire, don't get mad if someone thinks you're dumb. |
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My computer didn't come with a Mirror, only Windows. |
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Djhotsauce: You call it satire, I call it utterly missing the point of humor. Not incredibly good humor, maybe, but humor nonetheless. |
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And it's not a wolf, it's a tiger. |
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StarChaser: If it isn't satire, then what is it? Perhaps you don't know what satire is. Satire does contain humor and looks at real-world situations in a sarcastic manner to poke fun at said situations. It even fits the template Swift used in "A Modest Proposal", one of the most famous satires ever written. Prologue describing the problem, followed by an absurd solution. Use of sarcasm, under- and over-statement are prevalent in Grym's idea here. If I am "utterly missing the point of humor", what humor is it that I have missed? Most satire IS humor, and I assure you, I have missed none of the sort.
And who cares if it's a tiger or a wolf? I certainly don't. |
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Not only clue free, but actually clue resistant. |
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If 'nobody cared', I wouldn't have corrected you, would I? Wrong again... |
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The funny thing here is, there is nothing left for you to
say, as this IS satire, and apparently you didn't know what
satire was. But you will continue to argue over things
that are not even part of the original argument because
you refuse to admit that you are wrong. Throwing out
comments like "Not only clue free, but actually clue
resistant," is nothing more than childish name calling,
thought (in your eyes) to be clever. My sentence "And
who cares if it's a tiger or a wolf" was use of a rhetorical
question, not implying that no one does, but merely
restating the fact that I really don't care. Because it is
stupid. You will keep arguing, that is inevitable, but you
don't realize that what you say is asinine. So how about
think before you speak (as was said originally), and come
up with a real argument. Or you could just admit that I'm
right. (hah) |
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Children children, lets all get our panties out of a wad and calm down a bit. I admit, I was perplexed at first with Swift's "A Modest Proposal" but I had only read the first few paragraphs and that was the first time I had been exposed to it. And this was not in an academic enviroment, so I lameblasated Swift too soon, now that I understand that it is satire I do find it humorus. Next time someone posts a satire we shall all beable to recognize it thanks to djhotsauce and StarChaser's argument, and we can all laugh at it. |
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the idea of disposable pets is an excellent one, but i question the method. |
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surely the answer is a rent-a-pet service whereby you can choose a pet to suit your mood / outfit / etc. |
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Interesting pages. Had you thought of putting an equal amount of time in helping those who can't help themselves? It is really rewarding. You could take all this creative energy and make a lasting contribution in the lives of the abandoned, abused and neglected pets. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. |
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disp[osible PETS?? BRILLIANT,,now can we have disposible,, biodigradeable husbands??YIPPPEEEE thinks the disposible children is gonna be a MEGA hit!!! |
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All things bright and flushable
All creatures great and small.
The lord god made them disposable.
So now they cost bugger all. |
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I have two turtles that have a (indefinate) life expectancy. Nobody knows how long they'll live in captivity, because I suspect they don't die of natural causes. |
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They are a major hassle. They eat specialized diets of dried krill and turtle sticks, crap a lot and require specialized housing now that they're so big. |
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In the wild most creatures live short lives and die in horrible ways. Ethically, I see little difference between a pet that is bred for a deleriously happy short life of love and pampering and suddenly dies of a massive corronary event, vs a pet bred for docility and pretty colours that is released unprepared into the wild/ streets or even taken and put down when it has outlived its welcome. |
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you cruel person! How could you even bring yourself to write the words 'disposable pet'? Shame on you! AND I MEAN IT! |
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That is REALLY NOT NICE! YOU ARE TOTALLY EVIL! EVIL I SAY! |
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Think about it:
Pets are SUPPOSED TO GET HUNGRY AND ALL! Some parents feel that letting their child own a pet teaches them responsibility! But, if they got a DISPOSABLE PET, WHAT RESPONSIBILITY IS THERE IN THAT?!! |
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wait, so you want to geneticly engeneer a dog to be
thrown away when it gets hungry...how is genetics
involved with this at all? all your saying is to throw away a
puppy before it starves to death, genetics has nothing to
do with it. just because you put "geneticly engeneer"
before your idea dosnt make it a real idea. |
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To point out a problem - an average pet eats meat (though could eat soy) and meat costs ~2$ a pound.
To get the pet even to be born, you have to feed* it a whole bunch of food. |
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Food costs money, much food costs MUCH money! |
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*or you could grow them in artificial wombs and feed them disolved food through tubes, which is expesive for another reason. |
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THIS IS THE CREULEST, MEANEST MOST IDIOTIC IDEA I EVER HEARD OF! YOU ARE MAD, HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT! YOU GUYS HAVE A BLACK HOLE FOR A HEART!! IF YOUR SAYING THROW OUT A PET WHEN THEY GET HUNGRY, OR WHINE, YOU THROW IT IN THE DUMP, LETTING IT SUFFER!!THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO LOVE ANIMALS, AND DON'T TREAT THEM LIKE CRAP JUST FOR THEIR PLEASURE, THEY LOVE THEIR ANIMALS AND WOULD PAY MONEY SO THEY CAN LIVE LONG! aND THEN, PEOPLE LIKE YOU, WITH NO FEELINGS TOWARD ANIMALS! YOU ARE SATIN!! you do not deserve any credit, anyone who is siding with you is a complete maniac!! i wish i could throw you in a dump and then you would see how it felt! |
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YOU ARE IDIOTIC, CRAZY! MIGHT AS WELL GO TO SATIN'S RIGHT NOW!! I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIM AND YOU! |
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Satin. Whats wrong with satin. |
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Oh lordy, I only just stumbled across this gem. I wonder at the people that get so righteous in their annos - are they being so vitriolic for their own benefit? It is so they can be SEEN to care? I wonder.... |
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Anyhoo, my take on this is baby farm animals. Get a lovely cute little lamb, all floppy and stumbly, very cute. When you get tired of it, one sunday afternoon, take him around back and CHOP (sic) sunday roast! |
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Stop taking life so seriously. |
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Why are the widest misapprehensions of irony often funnier than the OP? Check out viewer comments on youtube postings of Onion News videos for similar stuff. And those videos can get pretty near the edge. |
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In fact, bansaikitten (linked) generated suprisingly widespread disgust and indignation on the internet a decade or so ago when it first appeared. They even managed to get the site taken down! Zing! "Honey wot was thayt??" |
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Looking through the archives of HB it seems as if that particular bone-headedness comes and goes and there is relatively little of it lately. I miss it. |
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