h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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I tried to view the ducklings.jpg picture from the link in "Fluffy Bombs", and I couldn't. Now I'm pissed off. In fact, in general, anytime there is an error with my computer, my emotions turn to anger.
Working on the assumption that the opposite of computer errors is ducklings, I believe there
should be a directory *full* of pictures of ducklings, pre-installed on your hard disk. Whenever there is a computer error, a dialog box should light up and say, e.g. "Sorry, fatal error in 0000000F. Click here for picture of ducklings."
That little vision of fluffiness will cool off many a violent temper, saving many monitors from being punched to the point of malfunctioning.
Even better, these duckling pictures should not be displayable *unless* there is an error. This way they will always be new and interesting to the user, and soon, you may even be cheering when that next "Illegal Operation" error appears.
Any better?
http://images.googl...&btnG=Google+Search
[my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
[link]
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Given that cute people get away with much more than ugly people, there is an argument to be made for making computers cute. However, there is also an argument for making computers work properly in the first place. |
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But it's a lot easier to make them cute. |
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Perhaps an automatic squirt of nitrous oxide would make
such trying moments go by even more smoothly. You
could bond with your tormentor by experiencing memory
error too. |
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The trouble is, you would begin to associate the cute little ducklings with trouble. One day, at the park, you would have this uncontrollable urge to run through a group of children with breadcrumbs in their hands, trying to stomp the yellow beasties to death. No, better to share the pain. There should be a whole variety of pleasant pictures to look at after your computer makes that final and fatal error... |
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Urge to kill... satisfied. |
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//Working on the assumption that the opposite of computer errors is ducklings// - boy, that's an assumption, especially when everybody *knows* that the opposite of computer errors is really fluffy bunnies. |
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genetic errors = bonking bunnies |
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//This way they will always be new and interesting to the user// Just how big is this Duckling Directory? |
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Well, if it were a subdirectory of the Infinite Image Archive, you'd have a picture of every possible duckling. |
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C:/Documents and Settings/My Documents/My Pictures/My Ducklings |
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C:/Windows/Program Files/Documents and Settings/Templates/Documents and Settings
/ Microsoft/Documents and Settings/Templates / Template Settings/Users/Settings/winduck.dll |
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What happens if the duckling-picture-generating error handler mechanism fails? Is there a backup duck? And what if I have a severe psychotic reaction to ducklings? Could I replace them with, say, pornography? |
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I agree with pluterday there, having your brain make a 1-1 association between ducklings and trouble will harm you in the long run. My brain associates beautiful girls with trouble. Imagine how difficult that can be, especially because I desire the company of beautiful girls almost daily. |
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Perhaps a niche market would emerge for specialized duckling-display hardware, to ensure the reliability of the duckling display engine. With proper compositing, this could result in, say, cute little ducklings waddling over your blue STOP screen. |
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Now that we're talking hardware, though, perhaps we should consider going beyond ducklings. If the rate of keystroke input had been especially intense prior to an extremely hard crash, this might be a metric for severe frustration worthy of additional action. Maybe a little slot could tink open and a plastic bubble could roll out, like the things you get from those 10-cent dispensers outside of supermarkets. Inside might be a Xanax, a joint, and a decoder ring. |
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I keep picturing an error message "A required duckling was not found" when loading Windows. And then I picture a distraught mother mallard waking up in the morning with the same problem, and seeing a fat, satisfied-looking seagull standing nearby. |
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