h a l f b a k e r y"Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more."
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An office shredder shaped like the Crack of Doom from Lord of the Rings, for when you want things properly destroyed.
(Note that this shredder will only shred documents printed on the Mount Doom™ Laserprinter)
[link]
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I'm pretty sure it will shred former hobbits, too. |
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Aha, now there's an idea...a fully featured "Office System" ™ wherin using special doo-hicky™ embedded paper that automatically couples with all manner of peripherals, Printer, Scanner, Stapler, Hole-Punch, Lever-Arch files, long-term storage boxes and shredders. Of course, the system wont work with any non-propriatary paper, so your customers will be forever forced to buy your overpriced paper! |
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<sound of hand-dryer starting in distance> |
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"You must journey South fro Rivendell, through the mines of Moria, then through Mirkwood to the River Anduin, across the Dead Marshes, over the pass of Cirith Ungol and down into Gorgoroth, then across the ashy plains of Mordor to Mount Doom." |
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"On the left, next to the photocopier". |
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How is it possible to shred a crack? |
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Why is the security camera starting to glow? |
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This isn't some adaptor that fits on the mock-butt toaster is it? |
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It will of course be obligatory for office-workers to
hesitate at the shredder, clutching their documents
and adopting a tortured expression to convey the
sense of an inner turmoil as they struggle with their
reluctance to consign their precious documents to
the shredder. |
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I'll just have the eagles drop me off. |
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"If, sirs, you would read the last clause of the fine print below..." |
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'The signatory and bearer of this document does hereby give up all rights of self-determinantion and owership of person by action of slow corruption, the speed and time which is executable at a time of such choosing by the the corporation...' |
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'One clause to rule them all...' |
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"Three-ring binders for the Elven-kings, under the Sky ..." |
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The start button is deeply recessed, and the sliding cover (which closes upon activation) is very sharp-edged. |
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