h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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Ever bite the inside of your cheek while you’re chewing? Sometimes I do that. Then the bite swells up, and, due to the size of the swelling, the spot gets more and more likely to be bitten again, and swell more, etc, etc.
This device prevents further swelling after the initial bite. When meals
are to be taken, a clamp is attached to the outside of the cheek, held in place by adjustable arms that rest firmly on the head and shoulder of whichever side is afflicted. The loose skin of the cheek is manually pulled out and the clamp, vise-like, is screwed in to affix to the outer skin of the cheek. The cheek then stays safely pulled away from the gnashing threat of the teeth.
[link]
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Peter, you goofball, mouth guards are to keep you from grinding your teeth as you sleep. Though, this guy really does have a real fishbone idea |
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Come on SaltPeter - you know you've both done this! |
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Just what I was thinking, Rods --- maybe some sort of
diver's helmet, kept at low pressure so that the cheeks
balloon out, with a hatch in front to eat through?
Arranging all the seals and gaskets would be tricky but
ultimately worthwhile. |
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(PS, I'm not sure what weight has to do with this. I used
to bite my cheeks even in my underfed & bony days.) |
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Inside Cheek Soreness
If the soreness is accompanied by a persistent white diffuse pigmentation it is refereed to as " lichen planus". Lichen planus can be caused by: stress, nuts, chocolate, acidic fruits, anti-tarter tooth pastes, tooth pastes that contain "sodium lauryl", and medications such as diuretics and tetracyclines. If the white lesion gives way to a red bleeding ulcer contact your dentist or physician immediately, about 2% of these can become malignant. Management often includes: avoidance of the causative factors, topical steroids, systemic steroids, topical steroid administered through a slow releasing custom mouth guard, and in some cases laser surgery. |
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Great Idea! Due to my overdistendible skin (see extraordnary talents) I have particularly stretchy cheeks, and as a result have a particular poroblem with biting them whilst chewing (I often do this so hard that I draw blood). Anything that would stop the agony would be greatly appreciated.
P.S. [Peter] I'm skinny as a rake |
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I agree with Rods. What was Mother Nature thinking when she came up with this design flaw? |
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You know those little spring strips with sticky pads on the ends, that are used to keep nasal passages open and reduce snoring? Why not make a big, headphone-sized and -shaped one of these that wraps around the back of the neck and sticks onto the outside of the cheeks, to pull them out of harm's way? |
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What kind of invention is this?? Use that for a month or two and one cheek will be permanantly stretched out and will hang limp past your chin. Kind of like those africans who put plates in their lips. |
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Surma
They are Surma, they who put plates in their lips - and ears. More and more young women of the Surma are forgoing the lip plates after having gone through the agony of the earplates. The lip plates are desirable to the men of Surma, as the bigger the lip is, the more desirable the woman is. The elders like the young women to have lip plates too. Why? Because they'll get more cattle in exchange for their daughter. The men can marry another woman with these gigantic desirable lip plates a year later. And a year after that. And a year after that. And a year after that. And the other wives are happy to see their husband get an extra wife. The men prove themselves by being good stick fighters and having lots of cattle. |
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[Haywood]: You don't need to use it for a month or two. If you bite your cheek, apply the clamp during meals for a day or so until the swelling goes down. |
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[PS]: I, also, am not overweight. |
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Nice bit of background info, 'wax. Perhaps I'll become a lip-plate salesman. There seems to be an insatiable market for the things.
Cheek biting? Been there, occasionally. It's very annoying but, as I'm a bit of a fatty, I'll not say anymore, otherwise Sealy will be on my case. Croissant. |
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A great vision, snarf, and one to be applauded. Indeed, t'is a scourge upon mankind. However, I must observe that this device does absolutely nothing to prevent others from biting one's cheeks, so the threat remains. I guess you just have to live with some things. |
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[waugs]: The issue is with biting the *inside* of one's cheek. If you know of a way that someone else can do that, I'd be grateful if you'd keep it to your elf. |
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Lets just shape some kevlar to the inside of your mouth. Put some kind of adhesve on one side of the kevlar and presto! You have an inside-the-cheek biting gaurd. |
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Clamps? Ow! Why not try a quite small pair of sponge balls inside the mouth, one in each cheek. |
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Aren't there such things as wound-sealers? I've heard of such a thing used in emergency rooms--organic glue that seals a wound. If a substance like that can be used internally then it wound seem to be the best way to seal one of those inside-the-cheek wounds. |
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Especially if it comes in yummy flavo(u)rs! |
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surprised no-one has mentioned biting your tongue, now that is painful. |
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Seems to me teeth are the problem here. How about filing down the sharp outer edges of one's molars instead ? |
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Welcome! As the official Recruiter for the Chilean Navy, I would like to reassure you that cheek- and tongue-biting among inductees will be reduced by at least 33%, insofar as each of you, now toothless, can remove your teeth whilst you sleep or are otherwise off-duty. Should you still have a problem with painful gumming of your cheeks or tongue, please report to the Dispenary/Barber/Neurosurgeon for removal of your cheeks and/or tongue. Appropriate ship-board duties will be assigned to those of you who are thus altered (including Morale Officer and Assistants, being as how your countenance will be ever-smiling.) |
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We should all replace our teeth with multicolored pieces of teeth-shaped Nerf. Our mouths would thank us for it. |
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...while the rest of the body curses you for starving it... |
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How do you prevent cheek or lip biting in the first place? What causes it? Nerves?
Too much vitamin B? Bad teeth? Missing teeth? |
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Howdy, I've got some suggestions and some answers. |
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I've been biting the inside of my cheeks forever.
Sometimes I bite my lips too. I think it's an overactive and
quite uncontrollable jaw. I have to be exceptionally
careful when I'm really really hungry or am in burst mode
whilst speaking. How's that for an image? ;-) |
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Cure Numero UNO: Sugar. Pure Sugar rubbed gently on
the inner cheek wound. Takes away the pain and, I
believe, will bring the swelling down some. |
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Cure Numero DOS: Hot Tea. Really big on bringing the
swelling down (probably why I don't know if the sugar
helps because I follow the sugar with the hot tea!) |
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Put your forefinger to your closed, pursed lips. Press
tightly and attempt to blow slightly. Your mouth should
puff outward. Imagine your cheeks in that position while
you eat and you will chew on them less and less often.
And no, you don't have to look like a blowfish gone mad at
dinner. Just puff them slightly. Cheers! |
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Have you seen Theres Something About Mary???This reminds me about his little accident.Did that once.Screamed so high that only dogs could here me.I think zippers need to be reinvented. |
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And how. pray tell, did you contrive to get the inside of your cheek caught in your zipper? |
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But, still there is no cure. After biting just stuff your cheek/lip with toilet paper and wait for the bleeding to stop. |
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I have this theory that cheek biting is a behavior of a
human nervous system symbiont, some kind of thing that
is tangled into the human nervous system, feeds off part
of our diet and influences the way we react to things to
suit it's own needs. I have noticed that cheek biting and
lip biting tends to happen at significant moments -- either
when a certain food or taste is being introduced into the
mouth or even when the emotional setting changes
quickly. Maybe a symbiont that is tangled into the
nervous systm can tell from the reaction of the overall
organism that something that it needs is coming into the
mouth and it reaches the lip or cheek out into the path of
the closing teeth so that the skin is broken and the
symbiont can access the needed food/chemical. I arrived
at this theory by observing that cheek biting tends to
happen when people are ravenous or otherwise overeager
about filling some "need" that "they" have, and observing
that sometimes people are able to stop the cheek bite
before it fully happens and that the cheek or lip seems to
be reaching out to get in the way of the teeth even
though the teeth are stopped before they close. So
maybe the "need" is some combination of a natural desire
and the symbiont's oportunism. An oportunistic symbiont
would learn to exagerate the organism's desires and
reactions to eek out a living for itself. |
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<iamtweety69> Stuff your cheek with toilet paper?! Have you ever, really, ever tried that? And are you going to maintain that it stops the bleeding?? |
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And then when you whack that apparatus against your car door on the way home, you will be bleeding on both the inside and outside of your cheek. |
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All I wasnted to do is tell the cheek biters they're all way
off. Once you do it, you have a sore lump you keep biting.
Solution? Simple. |
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Just partially chew an aspirin until it's a little pasty, Shove it
over on top of the lump with your tongue, close your jaw
and leave it there. It's got to be pasty enough to be soluble
with saliva. It will stay there until you remove it, and the
bite bump will be smooth and not hurt. |
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Why didn't YOU think of this? |
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Leave it there for about 10-20 min., or longer if you want
to.
The pain will completely disappear and the lump will flatten
right out. |
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No need for external cheek pullers, ebony African cheek
disk inserts (they look like coasters for drinks) or foam or
cotton cheek stuffing. Don't use toilet paper and if you
MUST use paper towels, make sure it's Bounty®. |
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If you're trying to eat German Chocololate with almonds,
just melt it, make hot chocolate and stuff marshmallows in
your cheeks, they last longer than Cool Whip®. |
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Another option is to go on a strict diet of liverwurst
sandwiches with Miracle Whip® and squishy Wonder Bread®
"Helps build bodies more ways than you can shake a stick at." |
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Unless you're careful, it's not a good idea to try to eat pussy
or suck wieners when having bouts of cheek biting. I kept
biting the inside of my girlfriend's outer labia and it gave
here an interlabial canker sore. |
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Sometimes after a cheek-biting episode, she'll just gnaw the
side of my wiener to minit-steak tenderness with her back
teeth,
extra-rare. |
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Oh, man...I just hate it when 'at happens! |
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Hey, you live in Ithaca. Let's not get together. |
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I have a friend who once bit his tongue so severely he needed stitches in it. His son asked "Dad, when you first felt the bite, why did you keep going?" I have the cheek problem too. It started when I was quite thin. I have not noticed a change in frequency of the accident now that I am not so very. And to the nurse in my dentist's office- no, I do not have a bad habit. I have a recurring problem. Any invention to help gets a (+) from me. |
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perhaps the product can be designed more like a Breathe Right Strip...a thin piece of metal that forms a U shape from the back of your neck and ends on each cheek. At the terminals are adhesive pads that stick to the cheek skin. Outward tension on the metal strip pull the cheeks. |
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Sorry [Archbishop], you're 5 years late. Read the 6th annotation. |
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