h a l f b a k e r yA dish best served not.
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You watch a film. There is a boob scene. You return to the film the following evening and sit in the back row with your CENSOR STICK, which is just a long telescoping stick with a big flat piece of cardboard on it. This time, as the boobies are about to be revealed, you extend your CENSOR STICK to maximum
length, projecting the cardboard up into the light-line of the projector, blocking the boobies, then laugh as everyone in the theater hates you. For bonus points, blast a fog horn as you do this.
WARNING: You may get murdered.
Safe For Work - Would present no problem
http://www.albinobl.../video/censorbarart
But would be asking for it. (Censored Naked Bodies) {BTW - The song is Toe Jam by The Brighton Port Authority.} [Dub, Jun 27 2008]
[link]
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I dislike the concept but am amused by the execution (+) |
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<prolonged, happy reverie involving mental images of [napoleonbag] being executed in cruel and unusual ways> |
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Just when you think you are about to be executed, my telescoping jurisprudence stick will pop up in front of you with a cardboard sign reading "moderation". |
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Did anyone ever admit to having possession of Napoleons bag? |
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This would be ideal for a show like Rocky Horror. I can imagine a bunch of tremulous, gradually lengthening CENSOR STICKS making their way over the heads of the audience, converging just as Columbia overcomes her bustier. |
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The fog horn would be more generally applicable to punctuate irritating behavior. If only Harpo had been so endowed. |
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//converging just as Columbia overcomes her bustier.// A small moment! I always thought that your Sarandon was bustier. |
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[+] I'd be one of those people in the audience that got mad at you too but looking at this situation from the outside in, I think it's brilliant. |
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And then G-d said; "let there be the violent killing and maiming of villians and heroes," |
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but naught of Fine Breast, so created by me for the enjoyement of mankinde. Nor any of the Moiste Mounde carressed by handse, lovingly, but with the fire of Passions. Nor that any of the handse that Love should love, and rubbe ,and strainne, both to unleash and withhold. Nay, to give and to receive, for in the giving, such handse shalle receive. Do not stay your hande, Do not forget your sworde. Nay, forego the beauties of love for the drive-by shooting of Scene 12, take 5. |
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Woe, for the baleful stare of those hacked to death by grasse knife, woe for those cutte down in coitus. We do not lament, Oh no, we rejoice. For: |
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the path of the righteous man is besette on all sidese by the softness of the flesh and the shivering of the knees in anticipation. Blessed is he, who in the name of the clitoris and good wille, shepherds those weak-kneed through the valley of softness, And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poisone and destroy my courtshippe. And you will know my name is the Lord when I laye my vengeance upon thee (by "bustin" a cap in yo' ass.) <cut to mass funeral, instead of love making scene> |
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Or you could do the opposite of this by using a big arrow on a stick. |
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..or a Big Red Circle to frame the required area. |
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Perfect for beating you with after you use it. Pluck your own eyes out if they "betray" you. |
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The proper approach is countermeasure, by means of telescoping sticks with little hooks on the end, intended to pull down the CENSOR STICK. Of course the reply would be redundant, many branched STICKS which easily break away, fouling the hook. Did I mention that they are sticky? Both by virtue of stickness and also because of maple syrup. |
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So wrong yet so funny. Bun |
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