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CensEar

 Censors everything you hear for you
  (+7, -2)
(+7, -2) 		  [vote for,
against]

The CensEar is a device that censors out curse words, but only for you. Say you're walking down the street and someone screams 's**t' at the top of his lungs. You don't have to hear it, as the CensEar censors it from your hearing, replacing it with a 'beeep' sound- but you don't bother anyone else with your moral standards. You're happy, everyone else is happy- it's censorship and free speech existing harmoniously.

The device would be modeled after a hearing aid. Digital hearing aids translate sounds into computer code and back again, only amplified. Instead of an amplifier chip, the CensEar would have a chip with a speech-recognizion program on it. The programs recognize speech sounds, or phenomes, and translate them into typed words or commands. This program would recognize certain phenome combinations that make up swear words and replace them with other phenomes- specifically, the phenomes for 'beeeeep'. (More expensive models could sub in equivalent words like 'darn' or 'shucks'.) I guess you could get different words programmed into yours, depending on your morals- anything from just The Big Three to any anatomical references.

I've figured out the cost of a set. You'd need two devices, one for each ear. If a good hearing aid costs $1000, and a voice-recognizion program costs around $300, then, adding in the phenome-replacing technology, which I don't think currently exists, a basic CensEar set would cost about $3000.

Partial credit for this goes to my friends Sarah and Jonathon.

—cheesemonkey, Dec 27 2003

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       Is the world REALLY becoming that uptight?
—Letsbuildafort, Dec 27 2003
   

       It would be ***anine to ***ume that ** isn’t.
—Laughs Last, Dec 27 2003
   

       Sorry. Large vocabulary multi-speaker speech recognition just isn't that accurate. Unless you want to never hear people talking about ducks, sheets, custard, or Kant ever again (actually it could prove useful in philosophy lectures or on the halfbakery, then).
—kropotkin, Dec 27 2003
   

       <oblique>John Kreese: Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?!
Karate Student: No, CensEar!
John Kreese: Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it?!
Karate Student: No, CensEar!
John Kreese: Defeat does not exist in this dojo, does it?!
Karate Student: No, CensEar!</oblique>
—neilp, Dec 27 2003
   

       <singing>
You walked into the bakery
Like you were walking onto a ******
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the dictionary
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and

   

       You're profane
You probably think this song is about you
You're profane
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
   

       </singing>
—neilp, Dec 27 2003
   

       This sort of uptightness is the kind of thing that would induce me to grab the ear of the person wearing your device and scream "FUCK" several times into it.
—Eugene, Dec 27 2003
   

       Hey, I'm not the uptight one- the idea is that people wear these devices instead of calling for widespread censorship. So you could have swearing on TV and such without people bitching.
—cheesemonkey, Dec 27 2003
   

       The *** broke!
—thumbwax, Dec 28 2003
   

       Aww, ****, my CensEar is outta ****ing battries! -- Eugene, I wholeheartedly agree!
—Letsbuildafort, Dec 28 2003
   

       how could you censor something until you had heard all of it? maybe a time delay?
—-----, Nov 14 2004
   

       // how could you censor something until you had heard all of it? //   

       Perhaps it could _add_ something to the end that would negate its offensiveness. For example, if someone on the street yells "SHlT!!!", the unit would kick in and the user would hear "SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS!"
—phundug, Nov 21 2004
   

       "OI, YOU! - GET FUCoffee that tastes divine, buy "Roasters Supreme"."   

       "LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING YOU STUPID CUNtry of origin, Brazil"   

       "HEY LOVE, GET YOUR TITuba no truck with no devil sah!"   

       "I JUST SPOKE TO THOSE ARSEene Wenger's going to retire next season"   

       Love it, [phundug].
—wagster, Nov 21 2004
   

       I would prefer a no beep option. Most swearing is just noise. And noise I can do without. The beep is also noise.   

       There are noise cancelling earphones devices. Maybe wear those into likely swearing spots like bars, restaurants, churches, etc.
—popbottle, Dec 21 2015
   

       [wag]! Welcome back!
—MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 21 2015
   


 

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