Cat Stilts

The age old cat/dog standoff generally seems to have two modes. When the cat has the high ground (table/chair/my head) he is able to repel the dog's invite to play or fight by hissing, spitting and fluffing up it's tail. Finally the nose-swipe surprises said dog and persuades him to skulk back to his rug and equilibrium is restored. When the cat has the low ground it loses the crucial psychological vantage point and furthermore comes within reach of the dog's paws and finds the nasal target has now moved out of range. Unless the cat can find a suitable vantage point within a couple of seconds, it is swiftly forced to flee out the catflap, leaving the dog with the misconception that he is more important and now in charge.

To rectify this, fit one foot long stilts to moggie and put him permanently on a level to eyeball the dog. Better still give him eighteen inch stilts and give him real power. Bind them gently to the lower portion of each leg and cover them by glueing on the bits of old hair from your cat brush. Introduce the stilts from a young age so the cat has a chance to get used to it: he soon won't walk any other way. That leaves only the problem of how to swipe the dog's nose.

A steel mace mounted on the tail should fix that.