Candy Bullets

In the main, stories in the news emanating from Iraq or Afganistan regarding military forces can be broadly categorized as either "troops shooting up stuff" or "troops giving candy out to kids" (whose parents, I guess, were dealt with in the first category - why else would the kids be taking candy from strangers?).

Murky moral issues aside, it occurred to me that there might be a way in which the candification of the youngsters could somehow be combined with the vaporization of the oldsters. Hence: candy bullets!

Think about it: Instead of being a blasted-out, ghost town, Fallujah would be like Willy-Wonka's Chocolate Factory. The enormous variety of candies could easily provide the necessary materials to replace the entire spectra of projectiles currently in use: hard candy bullets, gummi-bear bullets for those non-lethal targets, salt-water taffee for immobilizing one's opponent. And we've all had jaw-breakers and/or peanut-butter brittle that I'm sure could do a decent job of armor-piercing.

Next time we liberate some little farm town over there, we can all sleep a little easier knowing that whatever natives happen to survive might not have roofs over their heads (or walls, for that matter), but by golly, they'll have plenty of sucrose to go around. And any sorrow and misery resulting from the sudden destruction of all their worldly possessions will be reduced to secondary importance when all those new cavities show up.