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Candy Bullets
Kill two birds with one stone (half-literally), by replacing existing, inedible munitions with appropriate hardness candies | |
In the main, stories in the news emanating from Iraq or Afganistan regarding military forces can be broadly categorized as either "troops shooting up stuff" or "troops giving candy out to kids" (whose parents, I guess, were dealt with in the first category - why else would the kids be taking candy from
strangers?).
Murky moral issues aside, it occurred to me that there might be a way in which the candification of the youngsters could somehow be combined with the vaporization of the oldsters. Hence: candy bullets!
Think about it: Instead of being a blasted-out, ghost town, Fallujah would be like Willy-Wonka's Chocolate Factory. The enormous variety of candies could easily provide the necessary materials to replace the entire spectra of projectiles currently in use: hard candy bullets, gummi-bear bullets for those non-lethal targets, salt-water taffee for immobilizing one's opponent. And we've all had jaw-breakers and/or peanut-butter brittle that I'm sure could do a decent job of armor-piercing.
Next time we liberate some little farm town over there, we can all sleep a little easier knowing that whatever natives happen to survive might not have roofs over their heads (or walls, for that matter), but by golly, they'll have plenty of sucrose to go around. And any sorrow and misery resulting from the sudden destruction of all their worldly possessions will be reduced to secondary importance when all those new cavities show up.
Custard gun
Custard_20gun
No, not a splurge gun. [ye_river_xiv, Feb 03 2007]
[link]
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[-] Xenophobic. Not funny. At all... Shark cartillage :(
Okay, maybe not really Xenophobic but still... me no like.
:P |
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Maximus, this is not Xenophobic in the least. Certainly cynical and satirical, possibly too much so. It's dark humor certainly, but not Xenophobia (fear of or comtempt for that which is foreign). In point of fact, I sympathize with the long-suffering people (on both sides) who are, in effect, pawns of the State. |
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-sitting up straight with mouth open- |
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On reading "kill two birds", I thought that this was a solution both for lead shot persisting in wetlands and poisoning geese, and broken teeth on running across shot in cooked game birds. |
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The candy bullets would kill, but then soften and dissolve into the meat, giving a delicate bullety flavor to the meat. Candy shot which missed its target and went into the water would gradually dissolve, or be eaten by carp. |
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Well Mr. Bungston, methinks you've offered yet another suitable application for this concept! |
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Maybe we could even include a broader spectra of foodstuffs - not just candies? I remember hearin' tell of old curmudgeons in the coutry shootin' tresspassers with rock salt. Why not build on that, and include a little crushed pepper in the mix? |
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Heck, you could shoot and season (or marinate) your game, all at once! Imagine "Remington's new Blackened turkey loads, now in 12 ga. magnum!" |
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I've heard tell of old crumudgons using pepper corn, so the mix may already exist. I believe the idea was not to puncture the flesh though. |
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You may run into a problem, in that the projectiles should be dense, as well as hard. While hard food (Fruitcake, meatloaf, etc) is already well baked, getting food with the density of lead (without making lead candy again!) could be tricky. |
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All the same, I'd be up for seasoning my meals using a firearm! |
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Bullseye Point blank barbecue sauce. |
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Newman's own Musket meatballs. |
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Hey, does this have anything to do with my custard gun? |
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I'm seeing a forced sugar-coma for the diabetics... I like it! |
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