Bubblizer

There are a plethora of methods to assessing the horrible state of mind of a person undergoing a field sobriety test. I suspect there are some stones as yet left unturned.

The idea is simple: ethanol changes the surface tension of whatever solution it's within. Bubbles have been shown to have a lifespan generally proportional to the amount of alcohol in solution (linky). So, here's what we do guys. We give the police a very well-researched bottle of blowing bubbles and this can serve as a first line of interrogation during a field sobriety test. Simply have the driver stand a specific number of feet away from the police car and have them blow the bubbles towards the car. If the driver is over the legal limit the alcohol in their breath with have a tell tale effect on the lifespan of the bubbles as it migrates from the interior of the bubble into the matrix of the bubble itself. And yep, you guessed it, if any bubbles make it to the police car and pop on the the hood, that little rascal is in trouble. And if any bubbles make it all the way over the car and pop on the roof lights? Man oh man, bad night for that sorry fella.

Now, that little circular bubble wand will absolutely be high tech and have a little canal with a flipper that measures air velocity. The canal will be aside from the main bubble canal to avoid any problems with the intricacies of the surface tension. Also, there will be a hygrometer on the wand to accurately calculate the amount of surfactant to add to the mixture to create a valid test under any atmospheric conditions. We can't have anyone cheating this test.

Also, the cop needs to set up wind socks between the driver and the cop car. Three of them to be exact. If any of the socks measure some sort of threshold windspeed, the test can be dismissed. Or they can simply wait for the wind to die down.