h a l f b a k e r yRenovating the wheel
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Eventually, James Bond will have to go the way of all
flesh.
But in the meantime, he has left his DNA in some of the
most
exquisite wombs the planet has to offer - and even if
only a
few of those wombs bore fruit, one might expect the
offspring to grow up to be fairly remarkable characters
on
their own.
Does he know where his children are? Do they know who
he
is? Did their mothers tell them the truth, or concoct
stories
instead? Would the apples fall far from the tree, or
would
many of them find themselves drawn to their father's
world?
And if so, would they be on the same side?
This idea could be adapted for movies, or books, or TV,
or fanfic, or whatever.
Nymphographic
http://www.nextmovi...nymphographic_3.jpg
To further highlight [zen_tom]'s "where's the sex" dilemma, here's an infographic on all the women Bond has bedded, including a small skull icon to let you know which ones die horribly. [theleopard, Nov 13 2012]
omg, it's been baked
http://www.campusmo...790-double-o-mix-up
At the reading of the will... "Mr Bond, this is Mr Bond..." [smendler, Mar 02 2013]
Baked again (sort of) - in a comic book!
http://www.theatlan...en-life-sort/70482/
Presenting "The Illegitimates"... [smendler, Oct 14 2013]
James Bond, Jr.
https://www.youtube...watch?v=AoWexi-DWFQ
Baked in the Nineties. [Xenophile, Jan 03 2019]
[link]
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Wouldn't James Bond have been the exemplar of British gallantry and always used appropriate contraception?
I've always assumed so. Just saw the latest Bond flick and it was a bit heavy on armament and light on double entendre and sex. |
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Ever since the ever-so-straight-bat of Jason Bourne (and it's no mistake that his initials are also JB) and the overt parody of Austin Powers, the poor-old Bond franchise has been shyed away from the rather fun and silly aspects of what a proper James Bond film should be. A true James Bond should be mixed equal measures of high-octane action fantasy, and carry-on film. Otherwise, it's just the same as all the other action films ever made. |
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This is a great idea! Each child could be played by the same (hopefully somewhat androgynous-looking) actor. Then there could be ever more close shaves as the film progresses, with the different sons and daughters almost but not quite meeting up, some on the same side in unknowing competition with each other, and some mortal enemies. |
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[+] I have never seen him use any contraception. (like maybe "wait until I can put this golden condom onto my member" or such!) |
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"Gooooold MEMbaaaaarrr..." |
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Bond knows that his mission is coitus reservatus or to destroy the planet and shoot into space. |
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// coitus reservatus// Not only does he know karate,
he knows karezza? |
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Sorry thought reservatus was holding in a vat. |
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Let's not forget his Uncle, Flemish. He was a brick. |
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Nor should we disregard his wayward half-Lithuanian
son, Vaga. |
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Unfortunately, his second cousin Covalent never
enjoyed quite the success with the ladies. They all
thought he was too “clingy”. |
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His sister Treasury, however, was always noted for
her stability, even in troubled times. |
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The first movies are from the 60's; so some of his children may be older than himself :-) |
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...and his oddly-named lawyerly cousin, Mywer Disma Bond... |
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I'd've thought that Her Majesty's etc would have had the presence of mind to have each orphan agent's vas deferentia snipped like fuck prior to being released into the wild. No point in allowing these blunt instruments to compromise themselves any more than is unavoidable. |
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I just saw the HB tag line on this post |
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I think you forgot about his criminal twin cousins, Jail & Bail Bond. |
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and of course the tow truck driver, Otto. |
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I would guess that Lord Bond's funeral (he gets
promoted when he retires) would be the catalyst
that brings some of them together. |
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Now that Goldmember song is going to be stuck in my head all day. Better the song than the member, though. |
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...beware of his member of gold... that member's cold! |
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"Tonight on BOND'S CHILDREN - James Jr. flies into
Nashville, where brother Johnny B. Bond is
undercover in the music scene. Sister Jessie,
meanwhile, is on the trail of human traffickers in the
south of France, and Jamal finds something
disturbing in the debris of a house in Pakistan." |
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There's one minor snag to Bonds children that springs to mind. |
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Most of his bed partners appear to have been from the other
side of the tracks, so it seems plausible most of any offspring
will have been raised & trained by the soviets etc. |
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They should be working for the other side :) |
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That's only if they've been educated at Oxford or Cambridge ... |
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But of course, know thy enemy, their handlers will send them
to be educated in England, after they've been properly
indoctrinated against going native of course, gives your agents
a better cover as well : it shouldn't of course, because
everyone knows
all graduates from Oxford & Cambridge are soviet spies, but
the memo doesn't seem to have reached GCHQ or any of our
agencies yet. |
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