h a l f b a k e r yBaker Street Irregulars
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So my buddy started by stating his belief that there could
never be a black Tarzan... but then we started thinking
about
it. What about the child of an African-American soldier
and a
Southeast Asian woman, conceived during the Vietnam
War...
his father is killed in battle, his mother flees
into the
jungle... dies shortly after childbirth, and the child is
raised
by apes...
Maybe he has some interaction with humans as he grows
up, enough to give him language (French) and literacy...
maybe an elderly French nun who's a hermit serves as a
kind of mentor...
you can type in black Tarzan
http://rumandmonkey...ts/toys/namegen/76/
[xandram, Mar 04 2013]
[link]
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Black Tarzan sure. But French Tarzan? Come on!
How the heck would that work? |
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//How the heck would that work?// |
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He would just be rude and condescending and the bad
guys would get disgusted and leave. If they didn't, he
would hit them over the head with a stale baguette? |
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His panther cheese is to die for though. Takes a real man to milk a panther. |
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What would he be called? Noirzan? |
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There are no apes in Vietnam. |
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One could make a case that each area should have
a Tarzan drawn from the indigenous people, raised
by animals native to the area. These Tarzans would
mostly concern themselves with local affairs but
would sometimes band together in a League of
Tarzans. |
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The absence of such a league has restricted the
emergence of Tarzans in the bourgeoning memeology of
the Internet. The formation of such a league will bring
Tarzans to a prominence only enjoyed by ninjas, pirates,
zombies, vampires, robots, and whatever else with
specific attributes that are formative of distinct character
types, and cooperative and noncooperative game
situations. |
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Only on the halfbakery... |
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//There are no apes in Vietnam.
— Alterother, Mar 02 2013// - and no cheese, either.
This is Tarzáne, remember. |
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I've been trying to think of an anti-tarzan story -
perhaps an ape, Nazrat, is brought up by humans,
given frothaccinos and made to work in the tea
advertising trade - on one such advertising shoot,
they all go out into the jungle and Nazrat wonders
off - only to return to find the whole film-crew
beaten to death by a troop of apes, who recognise
Nazrat as one of their fold. |
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Touching scenes ensue where Nazrat is taught to
grunt incoherently by the apes and begins to fall
in love with one of the troop's female members,
Enaj. |
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Some kind of crisis unfolds in which Nazrat comes
to realise how much he misses the city of his
childhood and longs to return. |
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The female ape is drawn to his mysterious and far-
away thoughts and in a final act of hopeless
sacrifice, agrees to return with him back to
civilisation. |
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After a long and arduous journey, Nazrat is
reinstated in his old lodgings, and moves in Enaj
as his mate. |
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However, things are still not rosy, as Enaj is
finding it hard to adjust in her new surroundings. |
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Some jiggery-pokery later, and everyone is back
where they belong - Nazrat and Enaj united once
in a while as each travels into the other's home-
lands. The jungle goes wild, and all the taxis in
New York beep their horns in appreciation. |
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I like bungston's League of Tarzans. There's a graphic novel in it, if nothing else! |
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//each area should have a Tarzan drawn from the indigenous people, raised by animals native to the area// - I'd like to see Welsh Tarzan, raised by sheep. |
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Is everyone in Wales not already raised by sheep? |
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Of course, you have to harness the sheep to the right system of pulleys to make this happen. Even then, it takes only one mischievous "come by!" and you find yourself lowered by sheep, quick smart. Then everyone points and stares, Tarzan too. Then it starts to rain, and it's a long walk back to Abertillery. Still, it gets you out of the house. |
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^Why [The Alterother] wishes we could bun annos. |
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The fun with the League of Tarzans would be if one only realized as the sotry unfolded that it was such a league - that each of the individuals that show up one by one had essentially the same backstory. Then there could be fun in identifying the provenance of individual Tarzans as they show up or are depicted a spart of a group. Dense population / lack of wild animals in a given region would require some creativity to accomodate - for example, the origins of the Manx Tarzan might be left open ended. |
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Manx Tarxan would be raised by queen scallops. |
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I'm pretty sure New York Tarzan would have to be
raised by brown rats, although I suppose the coydogs
in central park would be a possibility. |
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The League of Tarzans is a great idea! Particularly as they will be functionally identical, varying only by the creature that raised them, as if a proforma bank letter created by mailmerge. |
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Extending it further, we might also benefit from:
The League of Shreks
The League of Spidermen
The League of Hunchbacks of Notre Dame
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Eventually, having established a whole bunch of such leagues, they could all attend an underwater convention, which, if attendance is high enough, might eventually be described as 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. |
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If you weren't any of these categories (tarzan, shrek, spiderman, hunchback of notre dame) you would be unable to join a league, and would thus be elegible to join the paradoxical League of People Inelegible to Join a League. |
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That zen_tom, eh? Death's too good for him! |
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//That zen_tom, eh? Death's too good for him!// |
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Hmmmm, might be worth a try. |
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Death? For a simple jeu de mots? A mere backstory built to prime a synonym? Actual death?! |
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Harmless word play is an infallible symptom of a deeply sinister character. Your extirpation is for the good of the species and the protection of children & small animals. It's nothing personal. Please 'like' my Facebook page. |
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//Harmless word play is an infallible symptom of a deeply sinister character. //
It is for insights like this that I will be ensuring that DrBob is placed in charge of the Peoples' Justice Tribunal, following my coming to power. |
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[calum] Are you going to be in power over multiple peoples or did you mean "people's"? |
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Multiple peoples, obviously. My domination of the earth will be total. |
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In preparation for the great day of your ascendancy, your honour, I've taken the liberty of preparing a draft list of charges against hippo as well. So far I've only got sedition, moral deviancy, badger bothering and some more sedition but I'm sure we can add to the list later. |
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Very good, DrBob, very good. I shall need soon to consult with you to ensure that my "Do not resuscitate" and "Accidental bathtub drowning" lists are are sufficiently comprhensive to rid us of sedition, badger bothering etc. |
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Put me down for an autoerotic asphyxiation. Or 'with'. |
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Is this a "marked for tagline moment"? |
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"Put me down for an autoerotic asphyxiation" |
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//- , re: Hippo's comment. -- Zimmy, Mar 08 2013// Does this mean "I am taking a negative stance on [hippo]'s comment", or "I agree with the critical thrust of [hippo]'s comment which inclines me to contribute a negative vote"?
And don't just answer "Yes". |
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Wait, were you talking to me? Because if not I had some
musings on an albino Swiss hunch back tarzan raised by Olm
tatzelwurms. |
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What would you call the particular type of flavoured cake icing that such a superhero might make? It's tarzipan of course. |
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It's a good thing I can touch type because that made me go blind. |
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