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Customers enjoy excellent Indian food in traditional surroundings (red flock wallpaper and Abba songs played on the sitar) but every twenty minutes or so the entire catering staff launch into a high pitched and largely incomprehensible song and dance routine, quite possibly with guns.
To complete
the spectacle the routines could be broadcast on large TV screens, digitally filtered to appear to be third generation copies with subtitles.
[link]
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One of the waiters would have to be a very obvious "baddie". |
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Have you eaten in Brick Lane lately? I swear some restaurants recruit entirely from the Karachi criminal underworld. |
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That or the maitre'd would have to be an overweight businessman from Madras, wearing a light coloured suit. |
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Do they sing and dance like you describe in Brick Lane? |
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How would you fit in the obviously speeded up car chase of Ambassadors and Enfields? |
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That'd be the home delivery service. |
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It wouldn't work in Brick Lane because all Bollywood films have an 'on the grassy mountainside, singing' scene. But then you could use the large screens and show high definition pictuires of the grassy mountainside. |
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Every now and again the fire sprinklers could go off to recreate the inevitable oh-I've-accidently-stumbled-under-a-waterfall revealing wet sari routine. Mind you, in my experience you get waiters rather than waitresses in Indian restaurants and a damp kurta doesn't have the same appeal somehow. |
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[Gordon] your insight is god-like.
May I also suggest the following:
- A (bhi-SHOOM) type punching sound for EVERY swift hand
motion that occurs, including setting of the silverware,
handing of the check, etc. |
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- An elderly woman in a white Sari who will cry her soul
out at your table when you are told by the waiter that
there are is no more masala dhosa |
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- All waiters must be capable of doing triple back flips
through the air over tables |
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- A table that resembles a fruit cart that you can use -- to
hurl surly waiters into. |
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