Maison D’Isorientation

It’s a well-known fact that some of the best entertainment is to be had, when dining at a restaurant, drinking too much, and getting confused. You might dispute this, but I have seen people do this too often, so that I assume it must be popular.

In order to simulate this merriment, without the obligatory hangover the next day, I propose the “Maison D’Isorientation”. This is a sophisticated blend of ‘haute-cuisine’ and fun-fair.

The main restaurant hall is a circular, window-less amphitheatre, with the dining area recessed and access by a series of three spiral stair cases. The base of the each staircase is not fixed to the floor, but stands proud by one inch allowing for some low-slung wheels. This allows the dining floor to turn slowly, using a mechanism akin to a rotating stage. About half a revolution per day would make this motion imperceptible, yet have significant effect over the duration of a meal.

Naturally, we should not leave the food unmentioned. Liquids should change colour according to temperature (e.g soup) or wine bottles once opened. For example, the house red wine is actually white, but contains a red food colouring additive that oxidises to become colourless.

The restaurant staff, would be a motley collection of ‘jobbing’ actors, identical twins, transvestites and ex-circus performers. These staff should be highly trained so that can discretely change various props around the room or on tables, ‘sleight of hand’ to swap cutlery for slightly smaller equivalents, etc. A waiter without facial hair, would begin serving later be replaced by his/her twin who has a moustache.

A bar adjacent to the restaurant is also circular and can also rotate discretely when not in use. I propose a white marble bar, with a black barman in a white suit, to start with, then reverse, to complete the effect…