Bogeyman Boot Camp

Being a bogeyman (an utterly honorable profession) is a job much more suited to younger guys. Even though an older bogeyman might lose a step, have bouts of forgetfulness, or suffer from lumbago, seasoned bogeymen have a wealth of knowledge that could be passed down to their younger counterparts before they retire to the Bogeyman Rest Home.

What is needed is a Bogeyman Boot Camp.

Here the would-be bogeyman can hone his skills. Leaping out of bushes, the optimal time for an evil laugh, crawling unseen under beds and into closets, making maximum scary use of the "claw hand", Darth Vader breathing exercises, and what to do with naughty children -- these and other useful skills might take the aspiring bogeyman years to develop without the kind of firm guidance provided at Bogeyman Boot Camp.

Ignoring this vital resource and "going it alone" can be downright embarrassing for the budding bogeyman. Getting tangled up in a garden hose and falling out of the bushes, tripping a burglar alarm on the way up the stairs, eating egg salad sandwiches and chili dogs in the hours before hiding under a bed... these are rookie bogeyman mistakes that will not produce the requisite terror in a naughty kid.

You can rest easy now, Old Timer!